Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Stressy Rant

I’m trying, but some days I just want to roll over and go back to sleep. Then there are days like yesterday, where even sleep is too much effort. I just lay there, flicking through youtube videos and starting stories only to close all my tabs and quit, then starting right back up again. 

That is unusual for me. I love to read, and I’ll open tab after tab with fanfiction stories that look promising, and if I have to close them I will bookmark it “to come back to someday.” I have dozens of things marked for that. So to close them all is unusual for me.

I figured I’d write this out to share, and hope airing my thought can help me figure out what is going on. I have a few ideas. School is stressful, and it’s even more so when you don’t do anything- I don’t pay attention in some classes because it’s just so boring, and I don’t study unless there is something pushing me. I just stress about things and ignore them until it is almost too late.

WoW is stressful lately. Wiping on Garrosh for weeks with one group, dealing with some stress about raiders in the other. And flex isn’t an easy, fun run for me lately either. Even with the RL there, I’ll speak up, try to pay attention to people and help out.  And then if we struggle a bit and wipe a lot, I feel guilty because I did chose the wings we are running. Yeah, it’s not just me, but it was my suggestion. 

I’m hoping arena will be fun. But I know how frustrated I feel when we lose because I do something silly (like pop Incarnation in the hallway by accident), say focusing on CC-ing to the detriment of my teammates health.

And my dog is not eating again. We removed her spleen over winter break, and the histopath came back hyperplasia, but I discussed it with one of my professors today. With the eosinophilia, she thinks there might be a mast cell tumor somewhere we haven’t identified. 

My final issue is probably sleep. I often wake up tired, and stay up too late. Every morning, knowing what my first class is, I want to set my alarm an hour later and roll back over. Sleep makes me more fragile. I’ll cry at things I usually don’t think twice about, remarks made to or about me will stick harder than usual, and I’ll feel like I can’t do anything.

So now that I feel I’ve identified some of the problems, what to do? I think the first two things to work on are sleep and getting some exercise. I do very little, and I think getting moving will help me. I am hoping once I fix those two, the rest will seem like less of a burden. Midterms are in two weeks, and I can’t afford to feel like I do now when I take those tests. That’s my next big hurdle. I am going to try to study more in those classes I don’t pay attention in. Usually once I start something, momentum will keep me going. It’s just getting up that first hill that stops me so often.

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