Warning: this might ramble and be full of complaints and whining.
It’s been an interesting week. The easy one- my raid group formed up with the others in that guild for a 25, and will be moving from Tues/Thurs to Mon/Wed. We didn’t down Immerseus on heroic, but we were making good progress.
And the more involved news: on Monday, I had a meeting with the guild leader of my guild and 2 other officers. Not the two who were promoted at the same time I was, but 2 who were part of the founding group. One of them didn’t show up, which was very minor in the whole thing, but a bit of a “hmph, really, I’m not worth the effort to show up to demote me?” and yea, that meeting was about demoting me. I had guessed but not really believed, but the other 2 officers weren’t on the invite, and didn’t have similar meetings coming up. I had done a flex achievement run on the Wednesday before, and used the guild’s vent. One of my friends mentioned the guild leader was a little annoyed at that and saying I was exhibiting manners unbecoming an officer of the guild. I’m going to rant and respond to her complaints here, to hopefully quiet the voices in my head. In the meeting I said nothing. I learned during the many meetings about the raid group before I decided to quit that if the GM didn’t want to try to see things my way, there was no point in even talking to her about it. So I whispered the GM of the guild I raided with and asked if I could join and /gquit all my toons and moved them.
So why was I being demoted? Apparently I was exhibiting behaviors unbecoming an officer and she was worried about the image of the guild I was presenting to any new guildies I might bring in. What did I do? I quit the raid group when 2 other members (the other officers, one of which was the raid leader) had to drop out due to time constraints. I had originally said I would stay til there was a garrosh kill, but they were going to have to start over with a few weeks of gearing up these guys, and replacing 3 seemed as easy (or easier) than replacing 2 then 1 weeks later, to me at least. I had told them weeks ago that I was going to leave after Garrosh, and about potential replacements, they knew it was coming. But it upset her that I didn’t stay and help with the transition when the other 2 had to leave. If they had asked me to stay for a week and help, I would have. They didn’t. But would you really want someone in your raid group who doesn’t want to be there? I’ll admit, I felt bad we hadn’t killed Garrosh, but I had already stayed almost 2 months after I told them I would be there til Garrosh. I had not expected it to take that long, truthfully, and didn’t want to raid with them another couple of months to gear up the new people. But if they had asked me to stay a week or two and help with the transition, I would have.
Her other big issue was all those talks about the raid group and the document I wanted outlining what we, as raid assistants, could do. I wanted something in writing to answer any questions I had and refer to for future situations, and clear up the raiding policy to me. I enjoyed playing with that raid, and really wanted to work on the issues I saw to help things work out and get us a kill. I knew no one was going to be kicked from that group, which was fine, I do like everyone there, but I wanted to know what I could do to help people improve. The answer turned out to be nothing at all, so I gave up. I realized how I want to raid and how she wanted the guild’s raids to go were not ever going to be compatible. That’s when I said I’d leave after a Garrosh kill. A good month or more before I actually left the group. Apparently she thought the whole time I knew and understood the policy and just didn’t like it and was arguing to change it. To sum it up: friendly, low stress raiding with people only required to be competent at their class (and have DBM or big whigs and use vent). I wanted to know how you defined competent, because to me a druid healer not using lifebloom… At all, some fights. Not knowing what it was when I said “hey, I see you aren’t using lifebloom, it would help, it was 13% of my healing that attempt” seems to be not basically competent. He really said “What’s Lifebloom?” And took 5 minutes to find it in his spellbook. (As it turns out, he had it bound to something and was forgetting to use it) Not knowing what some obscure, less-used in PvE stuff, like that thing that roots enemies that attack you, sure. But one of the basic spells of your class? Doesn’t scream competence to me. But again, I knew no one was about to get kicked from that group, so I wanted to know what I could do to work to help other raiders improve. Did not come across that way to her, apparently. She seems to think I was just trying to bully my way into changing their policy because I didn’t like it and wasting her time. What I wanted was some clarity, and to know my limits as a raid assistant.
And the thing that seemed to be the straw that broke the came’s back: my flex achievement run (I got glory of the orgrimmar raider, btw, yay!). I did it Wed, at 7, hoping I could ask a few people if they were interested in coming, to knock out part 3 before the guild’s raid at 8:30. I decided to run it Monday night, and didn’t see anyone on Tuesday or Wednesday to ask them. I asked a few guildies, but not a lot. I wanted a fast, easy achievement run with people who wanted achievements on their mains, not flex gear for alts, so I didn’t just announce to the guild and see who could come. I used the vent. Which, it was pointed out to me later, when we were made officers we were told it’s a 50 person vent and to use it at our discretion. Of course, I was reminded that after the meeting. In the meeting, I was scolded for not asking for permission. Of course, when would I have asked? I didn’t see any of the higher-ups on, since they pretty much only get on to raid and maybe 20 mins during the day for daily CDs. Maybe. I didn’t think using the vent would be an issue, but apparently it was.
What bugs me the most is that none of this was mentioned to me before that night. Not one word during the flex asking “hey, whatcha doing?” or when I left the raid saying “hey, could you stay a bit and help?” or during the meetings months ago about the raid to say “hey, do you get this and you just don’t like it or what?” Not one word. And that’s what got me. I just don’t want to deal with someone who wanted me to be an officer, then didn’t have the grace to discuss things with me, or the ability to even understand my concerns. If she really thought I was pushing for so many raid discussions because I didn’t like the policy, she didn’t know me at all. And I learned during that episode that she wouldn’t even try to see other points of view. So I left. I didn’t want to be in a guild where the guild master thought I was good enough to be an officer, but if I did the slightest thing she didn’t agree with just logged it for a future complaint rather than talk to me and sort it out.
Chances are, if I’d never been an officer, that wouldn’t’ve been an issue. I wouldn’t care about not being involved in things if I didn’t feel I was supposed to work for the good of the guild. I was always myself, no mater what my rank. I tried to help guildies with what I could. But as a member, I wouldn’t expect her to discuss issues with me like I thought, as an officer, I should at least be informed so I can answer the questions people asked me. Of course, if I’d never been an officer, I would have probably slowly moved my toons to the guild they are currently in, as I raided with them, and got to know them better.
It just hurt. I’d been in that guild for over a year and a half, raided with them all this expansion, ran flexes, helped people. I liked them. But I didn’t like how I was treated. I’m ok with not being consulted on every little thing, but promoting someone to officer (even if they had been one before) I feel a polite word about their re-instatment would have been nice. Or a response to my comment when I said I felt hurt she hadn’t said anything to us. Even a “I don’t have to say anything to you, it’s my guild” would have been better than nothing, I think. Then there’s btag. I get the feeling maybe she hasn’t really liked me for a long time. I had her on btag for about 10 minutes, to help transfer some gold across factions, then she removed me and that was it. Never added me again, even though I asked once so I could catch her while I was horde side to discuss raid issues before I just gave up on that, and knowing she had the other officers. Which was a minor hurt, but still I felt a bit of a slight.
And that’s what mostly happened this week, on the WoW front. I have been ranting about it in my head, since all I said during that meeting (paraphrased) was I think it’s best we part ways, see ya around and good wishes. I didn’t see a point in responding at the time. I wish now I had at least mentioned that if she was going to promote new officers again she should try to be more open on communication or make it clear to them that their only duty was to invite people when the higher ups were not on, which seems to be about all she really wanted us for. Not to help with anything, because any events she planned without us, and decisions were made without us, and any discussions that we might have wanted input for on were done without us. If that had been made clear at the start, things would have gone differently.
Well, of course, if different things had happened, things would have been different.
But a good thing did come of this: I love my new guild, so far. I know a good number of them from raiding, and they are so much more active. They have been very kind to me. I offered to tell the guild master what went down, if he wanted to know. He is also my raid leader, so he as known me for a while, and knew I was an officer over there and had never had any intention of leaving. I am an incredibly curious and nosy person, though I try hard to curb that. He kindly said if I thought they might cause problems, I could tell him, otherwise he didn’t need to know. He didn’t want the drama. And I appreciate it.
And my poor friends, who had to listen to me go over this a few times, thank you. You guys are awesome, and it made me feel so much better to know I had people on my side who didn’t see the things I’d done as being egregious errors in judgement.
That whole episode really, really upset me. I kinda knew it was coming, and I still was very hurt. So having my new GM immediately invite me and promote me to officer was a huge boost in confidence, as was having all my friends listen to me and comfort me. I think this will upset me for a while, but I will try to take it as a lesson learned and quit dwelling.