tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91536194654063933572024-02-02T11:49:32.850-08:00Doctor in ProgressDoctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-19222518869411245292021-06-26T17:05:00.003-07:002021-06-26T17:05:37.322-07:00My Bella<p> This is probably the hardest post I've written. I started with the title and am already in tears.</p><p>Bella was my dog- not originally, but she became so. She was given to my mom as a gift from my step dad. She was about a year and a half old when he was in a car accident with my brother. On Christmas Eve, to make things more dramatic. They were in a small, 2 door coup, and a truck came around a corner and ended up right on top of them. My brother was unharmed, luckily, but my step dad had his foot and knee crushed. His heel was completely broken, and after multiple surgeries he ended up pretty much wheel chair bound from then until his death last year. </p><p><br /></p><p>I ended up with Bella after the accident- I was at Virginia Tech at the time, and my parents did not have a fenced in yard. The dogs had to be walked to go to the bathroom, and they had 2- Bella and Kenzie. M<y step dad was going to be in the hospital for some time, so I offered to take whichever dog would be harder for my mom to walk by herself to help out while I was at school, and that was Bella. She was always a strong girl, physically- well, until the last year of her life. </p><p><br /></p><p>She was very much a lab- food motivated, would eat almost anything. My niece handed her rocks and she tried to eat them. She loved trying to chase birds and squirrels- she would try to climb trees to go after them, running up to the base and jumping up, nearly falling over backwards. She was also not the brightest bulb in the box- on the occasions she escaped, she would sometimes get lost or stuck if she didn't run back the way she ran away. And she hated having her nails trimmed. She used to love car rides, and travelled back and from first from Blacksburg to Poquoson, then from Middleburg. Though at one point she got really anxious and chewed 2 seatbelts before I realized what was happening, and boy are those more expensive to replace than you'd imagine. Because of that nervousness- and the fact I lived on campus- she did not come to vet school with me. Instead she stayed with my parents, and when she heard my car come home she would wait by the door- the would have to let her out to show her it wasn't me there. She came to recognize my suit cases, and would whine and cry as soon as they came out. </p><p><br /></p><p>The last time she made it upstairs was after she saw the suitcases come out, and she came upstairs, whining. It was July 2020. We went to visit my boyfriend's family for his mother's first chemo treatment. Shortly after we returned home she had a bad bout of diarrhea, was not walking for a few days, and just really struggled to come regain her strength. I seriously thought I would have to euthanize her. That was what sparked her rehab therapy. This is her the first day well after that episode:</p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW2QhPBCNZVNcAY6a6cLtYmTzHEya1QFZn0XjAok4oaflyhmLo8_-kzIkpcED3ELHtLO48Zi6Lu6xAHiIifVlFGEVURnV7xL6xthL25oF1uUgeXGz6IrgGFEo8h_7eDFrWfUOsyY1GTC7c/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW2QhPBCNZVNcAY6a6cLtYmTzHEya1QFZn0XjAok4oaflyhmLo8_-kzIkpcED3ELHtLO48Zi6Lu6xAHiIifVlFGEVURnV7xL6xthL25oF1uUgeXGz6IrgGFEo8h_7eDFrWfUOsyY1GTC7c/" width="180" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>She came home from a day of fluids at the clinic, and walked on her own. Her rehab therapy went great- when I kept up with her exercises. She got so much strength back, though she never came upstairs again.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've been writing all this, trying to think about the good times, before I think about the worst time. Bella developed a cough- and being a vet's pet, and having a heart murmur I waited to get her in. She had a cardio appointment coming up in a few weeks, she was doing OK- it could wait, right? Seemed to be in the mornings right after she ate. No big deal, not bothering her. Then it became more frequent. And she had trouble breathing.</p><p><br /></p><p>I took her to work, and took rads, and she had pleural effusion. Our wonderful mobile ultrasonographer came out the same day, fitting her in as a favor, and diagnosed a mass around her heart and pericardial effusion. We took some of the fluid off her chest, but not from around her heart. Based on the location of the tumor, the most likely diagnosis was hemangiosarcoma- or so I thought at the time. I called the oncologist treating Kenzie, and they were able to get her in the next day to start treatment for hemangiosarcoma. And the day after that, I had a cardiologist look at her with the idea of tapping the fluid around her heart. And I felt I made a terrible mistake- he said the mass was in a different location, more likely to be a benign chemodectoma, than hemangiosarcoma. Sampling heart based masses is not commonly done, and the locations are usually pretty pathognomonic for diagnosis. On the plus side, she did not have enough fluid that he felt tapping was worth it. And a benign mass! A much better diagnosis. </p><p><br /></p><p>But I had rushed her treatment, concerned for hemangiosarcoma- and I feel like that was a huge mistake. Bella did not do well with that dose of chemo. It started with a decreased appetite, and diarrhea. Then she couldn't stand up with out aid- weakened from losing fluids with the diarrhea, and not eating. I did fluids under the skin for her at home, but she was not improving. She stopped walking without aid, and stopped urinating on her own. I had to express her bladder, and it was difficult to do- but she couldn't go days without urinating- I let her go 1 day before I started the expressions, and I gave her 2 days to improve. And I feel like that was the second mistake I made. Maybe if she had been male, and I could have placed a urinary catheter to empty her bladder, I could have tried longer. But she was a 70 lb lab, and she couldn't walk without aid, or even stand unassisted, and expressing her bladder was tough- on her, and me. My arms were killing me after 1 day of nursing care for her.</p><p><br /></p><p>I always tell clients that I hear people say they waited too long and their pets suffered, and they wish they had euthanized sooner. And I try to be really supportive of euthanasias no matter how things may look, because once someone has made that decision, it needs to be taken seriously. I have only refused to euthanize in 1 case, where it wasn't medically indicated in the slightest. Euthanasia is the most difficult choice you can make for your pet, and support from your veterinarian is important, in my eyes. </p><p><br /></p><p>This time, I was the one who had waited. My dog suffered, because I made poor choices. Rushing her chemo before having a cardiologist see her and better localize the mass. Not having insurance on her. I have it for my youngest dog (my brother's, actually) but not Kenzie or Bella- I always figured I could treat them myself. I did not realize the lengths I would go to for them, and the financial constraints. And how much the cost of treatment for some things has gone up- geez, is the protocol for lymphoma more than twice what I was told in vet school! If I had any idea the lengths I was willing to go to, I would have had insurance. Heck, if I had just gotten insurance after I started Kenzie's chemo, for Bella... But anyway. My mistakes: starting chemo too early, before letting a cardiologist look at her. Not going to a tertiary referral center like Virginia Tech or NC State, though there are downsides to that- incredibly expensive very quickly, not able to be with my dog (both because you can't in an ICU setting and COVID was in full swing) and not being able to stay in the area because I had to go back to work. Bella really only got so much care and time those last few days because I happened to have taken some time off to use up PTO, just some random days that looked good on the calendar to me in January (this was all happening in April/May).</p><p><br /></p><p>And my final mistake- waiting too long. Letting Bella's last week be miserable- she seemed interested in food, sniffing at it, but unwilling to eat. Suffering with diarrhea- bed bound, unable to move out of it, just oozing out of her the last few days, not improving with medication. And since she was not eating, she had to be pilled at the end, and she HATED it. She hated the appetite stimulant I tried, she fought getting pills, she was developing fecal scald around her back end. Her last week on earth looked like misery to me, and it was my fault.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcKB8HEJzEWcuTOfoiw7HDY20NlCkewIcz3uE5jENTlkty5baTWghqxR_j8DJbqq4Q2H661gRroP1GI-XuGEsUp4qZGn9i3muYg7hgClBCadHA_JTjGhbyuTX_1FFO4EUcv_7A2x6hJOVY/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcKB8HEJzEWcuTOfoiw7HDY20NlCkewIcz3uE5jENTlkty5baTWghqxR_j8DJbqq4Q2H661gRroP1GI-XuGEsUp4qZGn9i3muYg7hgClBCadHA_JTjGhbyuTX_1FFO4EUcv_7A2x6hJOVY/" width="180" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p>This is her, at the end- getting SQ fluids, laying on a bed on a tarp incase the diarrhea leaked off the towels and puppy potty pads we had her on. Help em up harness left on her front end so we could get her to stand- I would attach the back end when we got her up, or just use a towel. Those SQ fluids- a full liter- went into her super quick, in minutes, she was so dehydrated. And I made her suffer. I made the decision to euthanize her on Sunday, but was unable to do so until Monday, since I was not allowed into the hospital over the weekend, and I debated transporting her to another hospital to euthanize her, but I wanted her last moments to be at home, as comfortable as I could make them. </p><p><br /></p><p>So I woke up Monday morning, and told my mom it was today. She wanted to be there too, but needed to go to work for a bit. So I put a catheter in Bella, having some supplies left over from her issue in July the previous year. Then I waited, a few hours, until my mom was able to get off work. And when the time came, I pushed the drugs myself. I had considered, but never really knew, if I would be able to do it myself or if I would have someone else do it. I had wondered, would I want her ashes back or not? In the moment- I wanted to be her vet in her last moments, as I had been most of her life- and be with her at the end, even though I felt I had failed her. And I found I did want her ashes back, though I also understand keeping memories over momentos of time with pets. </p><p><br /></p><p>And I don't cry any more, when I do a thing and look for Bella to be there, waiting- for an ice cube when she hears the freezer, to be waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs in the morning, to greet me when I get home. </p><p><br /></p><p>I try to remember Bella like this- trying to trade me her kongs for part of my sandwich, happy. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmrF482unMMg3QAcFix0Q-ARkkYvZSdc0RPoddKzaNI9VxFpMQlvnkuMLcn2IkhSdwMSwXSgPtP6x3nMJf7iPMSi0QMv5EdM_pIGL_PVd_L5KgyANueffpZyFsNYdXhdsGa0mQ3H7WwbdH/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1080" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmrF482unMMg3QAcFix0Q-ARkkYvZSdc0RPoddKzaNI9VxFpMQlvnkuMLcn2IkhSdwMSwXSgPtP6x3nMJf7iPMSi0QMv5EdM_pIGL_PVd_L5KgyANueffpZyFsNYdXhdsGa0mQ3H7WwbdH/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>And that is the story of what I feel is my personal biggest failure as a vet, for my own pet. I am hoping that writing this, getting it all straight in my mind, will help me move past it. Never forgetting, but accepting my mistakes and learning from them, so I don't fail other pets in the future. </p>Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-24602298651292702382021-05-29T19:21:00.002-07:002021-05-29T19:21:56.891-07:00It's been a while<p> It has been some months since I have posted. A lot has changed in my dog's lives- the biggest change is I elected to euthanize Bella. </p><p><br /></p><p>And I though I was going to write a post about that, but just typing the words has made me tear up. That will be a post for another day.</p><p><br /></p><p>Rehab was well worth it to me, though I did not keep up with the exercies.</p><p><br /></p><p>Kenzie, my other dog, was diagnosed with lymphoma. She is almost done with chemotherapy, and has done really well overall- I will detail her story another day.</p><p><br /></p><p>This is a brief post before I start attempting to push some keys, killing time writing while we wait. My WoW update so far: we're giving it 2 weeks to try to kill mythic Council, then we'll stop, either with a kill or without, and break until 9.1 for the main raid. We've lost some people, gained some new people.</p><p><br /></p><p>And our tank is now available- will update later, sooner than this one came!</p>Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-57118184479216992152020-09-21T17:30:00.000-07:002020-09-21T17:30:21.304-07:00Bella's Rehab - Introduction to Bella<p>So, I have a dog. I actually have 2 dogs, but this is about Bella. Here's a picture of the two- Kenzie, the shepherd lying on the really expensive bed I bought for Bella, who is ignoring it and lying on the floor, as she often does:</p><p style="text-align: center;"> <img alt="Displaying IMG_1563.jpg" aria-hidden="true" class="aLF-aPX-J1-J3" height="672" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=e7e39f57e6&attid=0.0&permmsgid=msg-f:1678489916201356592&th=174b31af8e41cd30&view=fimg&disp=thd&attbid=ANGjdJ_tRbBKIO3hRNezkFy0h1DQZonmYzFCrbWBayrVTeMtIvmudvYFomCRuYBMEZ8xIU2qQqbcLLyMm7O1KJfzIB9kNnQEB3B2Kxy6DrvWs3HAUVj0uN1aCbZx3YI&ats=2524608000000&sz=w1491-h877" width="504" /></p><p><br /></p><p>Bella is a 12 year old female spayed yellow Labrador Retriever. She was originally my parents' dog- my step-father got her as a Valentine's day gift for my mother. At the time, they lived in a place without a fenced in yard, so the dogs had to be leashed walked to go to the bathroom. Bella ended up with me after my step-father was involved in a car accident on Christmas eve. He was injured pretty badly. It actually ended up really screwing up his foot. He never walked normally after that, and really only had a few months of good walking and use out of it at all. But anyway- my parents had 2 dogs at that time, and I was home for Christmas break. I offered to take one dog back to school with me, whichever was harder for my mom to handle alone. And I ended up taking Bella. She came back to Virginia Tech with me, she was with me for my internship at a warmblood breeding farm in northern Virginia, she was with me at NCSU for my last year of vet school. She did not come with me to Grenada, I did not think plane rides would be good for her- plus I lived in the dorms, no dogs allowed. A different regret I have is not taking the chance to live on a tropical beach when I had the opportunity, but I felt safer on campus, and didn't have to worry about anything but a food bill. </p><p><br /></p><p>Bella is a very sweet girl. She has been having progressive hind end weakness the last year, and some weird popping of her hind end (probably knees) I could never localize or re-create. She was actually a large part of the reason I wanted to learn acupuncture- to help keep her comfortable as she ages. In July, she had a bad bout of diarrhea and vomiting, and was on fluids for 2-3 days, and got very weak. She has recovered mosty from that, but her hind end weakness took a significant jump forward. She now noticeable struggles to stand, and sometimes can't stand unaided if she falls over because she tried to walk backwards. I decided to seek out a rehab place to help keep her as strong as we can. I am able to life her when she goes down, but my mother can't, and she's the one who is usually he first one up with the dogs, feeding and taking them out. </p><p><br /></p><p>And I found <a href="https://www.pawsforrehab.com/" target="_blank">PAWS for Rehab</a> about an hour away from me. Bella has had 3 sessions there, and I thought I would document her progress here. The plan is twice-weekly visits for 6 weeks. So far, I noticed an immediate improvement in energy after her first visit and laser therapy session, and am seriously considering a laser unit for home use. Laser therapy is used to aid healing and help with pain and inflammation in pets. It isn't suitable for all conditions- for instance, you don't want to use it over areas with tumors- but it is often used in arthritic patients as an additional modality for pain relief. I'm running out of reasonable drug options to try- I have a few left I can switch to if needed, but not a lot so any non-medication pain relief options are of interest to me. I am also looking into Asissi loops but that will be in the future, after her rehab. </p><p>Her first session was underwater treadmill and laser, the second visit they showed me exercises to do at home, and today was massage (and maybe something else- I pre-paid for all 6 weeks, so I forget).</p><p>Bella is really eager on the car rides there. I think she also misses riding shotgun, since she used to for our car trips until I got this car. the leather seats are too slick for her, and the floor is further down from the seat, harder for her to put her front legs on the floor and sit in the chair like she used to.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Displaying IMG_1559.jpg" aria-hidden="true" class="aLF-aPX-J1-J3" height="558" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=e7e39f57e6&attid=0.4&permmsgid=msg-f:1678489916201356592&th=174b31af8e41cd30&view=fimg&disp=thd&attbid=ANGjdJ9AR7qR7s8FVZZ6z5HbLFXcYVO7toqWVMgtp_fVER8q5wjZYyh0u4c9YpG7met_tz5KgcPIaqRH8OnCkoydn-qFaAMeRtZ8T1ddU_3dj9cD36SMibLXJRoKpn8&ats=2524608000000&sz=w1491-h877" width="744" /></p><p>She tends to sleep a little more on the ride back- the excitement of getting there and seeing people wears her out.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Displaying IMG_1561.jpg" aria-hidden="true" class="aLF-aPX-J1-J3" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=e7e39f57e6&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1678489916201356592&th=174b31af8e41cd30&view=fimg&disp=thd&attbid=ANGjdJ9Tue12geqXpjyzOm9nUf4YeCKRP2BBgjeqb15uuStpU29yxrziML2rQavQo3tAUy5pZod8tGUOCc__oR7eisFHRHQxaV7xoliUqWoZvNk6ywhIPVCE15E1vAM&ats=2524608000000&sz=w1491-h877" /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">I forgot to take pictures the first time there, so these are the car ride from our second trip. She wears the Help 'em up harness for car rides so i can catch her and lift her into and out of the car easier-. She still tries to jump in and out, though it doesn't end well for her without help.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">I did get a picture of her being really pushy and demanding a walk after her first visit</p><p style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Displaying IMG_1556.jpg" aria-hidden="true" class="aLF-aPX-J1-J3" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=e7e39f57e6&attid=0.6&permmsgid=msg-f:1678489916201356592&th=174b31af8e41cd30&view=fimg&disp=thd&attbid=ANGjdJ8greOK-DlI7y7xRwJ6tsRqzSQtjTVPRyR1Q7UhJFRRSxfKP0EIqsPxYvPfmahryHKQn7vNipvVzlHxEtAwTPfMrTDNaB2wCYZ1l32U5NfpegKRwHygHoZLbnc&ats=2524608000000&sz=w1491-h877" /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Our current homework is 4 exercises to strengthen her back end and core muscles. I am trying to figure out the best way to work doing these 2-3 times a day into our schedule without just taking a huge chunk of time to do it all at once, which doesn't really give the best benefit. They're fairly simple exercises to do, it's just remembering to do them throughout the day. Tomorrow is my first full day back at work since I was given the exercises, so I am planning to split things up into 4 or 5 chunks of time- first thing in the morning, ideally with a walk if I can wake myself up that early, when I get home for lunch and before I leave from lunch to go back to work, when I get home from work, and before bed. That is my tentative plan at the moment, I will update as we go along with progress and pictures. I can say, one of our exercises is standing on the stairs with her front paws for several seconds. She's already showing some improvement there- mostly that she realizes I am not trying to make her go up the stairs, which she has not done since early July. She's extremely food motivated, which helps a lot. </p>Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-43356166737886387442020-07-19T07:43:00.001-07:002020-07-19T07:43:46.077-07:00How Do I know?I'm trying to give these things more structure, less stream of consciousness/verbal diarrhea.<br />
<br />
So this week's post- one of the tough ones. Rarely do people come out and say Doc, how do I know when it's time? But in a myriad of little ways- I don't want my pet to suffer doc. I don't want to pursue needless testing. I don't want to put them through painful treatments. I don't want to wait too long. I don't want to give up too soon.<br />
<br />
I am an eternal optimist- and it's a flaw. I try to be realistic, but one of the truths of the world is there are very few absolutes. So when people ask me- is there any chance? I say yeah, a slim one. But I've heard the cases, the one-in-a-million's that live past the expectations. Of course, I've also heard the apparently benign turned out to be terrible and died young, but they don't stick out as often as the other. So sometimes I feel like I give people more hope than their situation warrants.<br />
<br />
This has been something I've been pondering a lot lately, because the last week the thought of my own dog's euthanasia has been heavy on my mind. Lina, the last dog I had to euthanize, still weighs heavy on my mind. I didn't know as much, I didn't know what else I could do- and I feel I failed her.<br />
<br />
Bella, who has been with me since undergrad. VA Tech and NC state (I did not subject her to Grenada- the plane rides would not have been fun for her), my first job, my current job, all 3 boyfriends- is getting old. And it is showing. She has an arrhythmia and arthritis. She has some pretty bad muscle wasting in her hind limbs, and is starting to have trouble getting around. She is currently on 2 arthritis medications, 1 heart medications, a joint supplement and prescription joint food. And I do acupuncture on her, perhaps not often enough. I've tried other medications, and I am considering swapping hers up a bit more, but I also realize that no amount of medication is going to make her run up the stairs again.<br />
<br />
There are a variety of resources out there to help people decide. Lap of Love, an in-home hospice and euthanasia service, had an app, <a href="https://www.lapoflove.com/Quality-of-Life/Grey-Muzzle" target="_blank">Grey Muzzle</a>. The Ohio State University has it's own <a href="https://vet.osu.edu/vmc/sites/default/files/import/assets/pdf/hospital/companionAnimals/HonoringtheBond/HowDoIKnowWhen.pdf" target="_blank">thing</a>. And I'm sure there are others.<br />
<br />
A lot of my information I provide to clients I repeat so often it sounds like a rehearsed speech. Vaccine reactions, heartworm prevention, my pre-euthanasia "this is what is will look like" talk. I don'r have one for this. How do I know when it's time? It's different for every pet and owner, and truth is sometimes euthanasia is a viable option that I discuss with clients, for treatable conditions. And those are the toughest- because yes is is the right decision for this pet and this client, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard or I don't wonder "if only we did this" or had tried that.<br />
<br />
But back to the question- how do I know when it's time? Some pets make it really easy, and come down with something that will kill them. It sounds harsh, but that's how I recently phrased something to a client: you will have to decide when it is time for your pet because what she has now will not kill her but it will make her really painful and affect her quality of life. The ones where it's deadly and I can give you an estimated life expectancy are in some ways easier- then you have a goal. This will kill my pet, so when I start to see bad days, it's time.<br />
<br />
The others are harder- the this won't kill my pet but it will make them miserable, and painful, and require a lot of supportive care to keep them in a reasonably comfortable state. And that's where Bella is at.<br />
<br />
So where is my line for her going to be? I still have 2 or 3 medications I can try. I can increase acupuncture frequency. I can send her to physical therapy. I still have some options.<br />
<br />
But when those run out? She's a lab, she'd wag her tail and eat something for me until the end. Is my line going to be she can't walk on the slick floors? She can't stand up unassisted? She can't make it the 2 inch step outside to go to the bathroom? Or is it going to be subtler- she's panting and grimacing in pain occasionally now. If I can't get that expression off her face, is that my sign?<br />
<br />
It's the hardest choice you can make as a pet owner, and sometimes the kindest thing you can do for your pet. And it's rarely easy, and always heartbreaking. And my job as a vet is to guide people to these decisions, but I can never pull the trigger. I get asked all the time, what would you do doc? If this was your pet? And I answer as honestly as I can, but I do tell people I'm in a different situation. That's sometimes the hardest question to answer- what would you do if this was your pet?<br />
<br />
And writing this, I hope I know it when I see it. Another vet, somewhere on the internet, once said she's heard a lot of clients say they waited too long, and not as many say they gave up too soon. Once I do make the decision for Bella, I'll have to decide- am I going to be the vet for my dog's euthanasia, or the client?<br />
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<img src="https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-0/p280x280/109681251_929503694237961_9134639955974295460_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_ohc=jjU2GVV8VTMAX9dcbfn&_nc_ad=z-m&_nc_cid=0&_nc_ht=scontent.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=ea76b5c3ac4e675341ce01c54b0d80bb&oe=5F39F09C" />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-75196303244672856072020-07-08T06:28:00.000-07:002020-07-08T06:28:09.039-07:00Tough DaysThis back end of this week was full of tough days.<br />
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Thursday was a tough day- for multiple reasons. I woke up, before my alarm, to a text from one of my techs asking if it was OK to bring her dog in for some bloodwork +/- euthanasia. That turned into just euthanasia. It was absolutely warranted. And she thanked me afterwards,, and her wife brought us all smoothies afterwards. And being thanked for euthanasia is hard. I don't feel like I did a service there. She made the decisions herself, I just agreed it was warranted. She placed the catheter. I just pushed drugs and left her alone.<br />
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And there was another euthanasia that afternoon that felt pretty similar. Older golden, long time client, close to most of the staff. I don't usually cry during euthanasias, but I was getting teary during that one.<br />
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They also thanked us for the euthanasia. And it's always hard for me to hear. I try, I try to make euthanasias as smooth and painless a process as anyone could want. But people thanking me for it is still hard to hear. I never know how to respond.<br />
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And the schedule wasn't overly packed, but decently full, and we were down a person. My tech had been scheduled to work and of course we weren't going to have her work after that morning. No way. Work the day you euthanasize your pet? No. I can't imagine.<br />
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Then Friday, that was a hard day physically. The schedule looked easy- cat dentals go really quick if the teeth are healthy, and 2 of my 4 scheduled were cats. These teeth weren't healthy. I tell people when they ask if I really have to remove the teeth I recommend that they say "it's like pulling teeth" fora reason because that is NOT fun. 3 of my 4 dentals (both the cats) needed 3 teeth removed, each of them a canine tooth too. It's great when you flip through the book for a reminder on how to do the gingival flap and the first sentence calls it the most difficult tooth in veterinary dentistry to extract. Feline lower canine teeth. I have referred in the past, for fear I might break a jaw when removing one, but I felt confident that day. I definitely undercharged for my time and the procedure, but I wanted the pets to get these teeth out, they were painful. I've been working on picking up dental skills. We did not get a lot of training in school. Not nearly enough to be proficient- but really that's the way school is. They teach you enough so you can learn the rest on your own.<br />
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Well, sort of. That's not the best description- they teach you what you need to know, but there is so much you need to know. So a lot of things they touch on enough to get you started, and give you places to look for the weird, specific stuff that comes up. Because you can't see everything in school or you'd never be able to finish. That's one of my favorite things about my career- there is always more to learn and grow and do. And one of the scariest things coming straight out of school- there is so much more to learn. 4 years out and I still feel like a new grad some days.<br />
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Saturday was good though. A holiday, the emergency that came in actually resolved well, left apparently healthy. The sick pet I fit in had a possible cause of her problems and we started treatment. I hate the, what one of my teachers called "nebulopathies" the something's wrong but we don't know what so we're making educated guesses on what to do while we continue to work things up. Here's hoping she gets better on the medication.<br />
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And that brings us to Sunday, where I work at my vaccine clinic job. Which was when I started writing this post, about to comment on how it's an easy job. And then I jinxed myself. It was as bad as it I'd said the Q-word. I stayed an hour and a half late, and saw double the pets I normally do. Luckily at least a third were adorable puppies, but it was exhausting.<br />
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And then Monday and Tuesday decided to get in on the action in small ways thankfully- our internet was down on Monday morning so no one could clock in, and on Tuesday our pet care software was down- no histories, no ability to take payments or check anyone on or see the schedule. Luckily it came back on after an hour, but my first client was a brand new pet we would have to take payment from- well, we would have. If I had been able to examine the dog- he was too aggressive for me to get near, lunging/barking. I did a free exam coupon and sent them with a script for oral sedation to get at a human pharmacy and some guidelines on muzzle training at home. Here's hoping it goes better in 2 weeks. Who decided I was the angry dog whisperer at work? It can get rather stressful somedays. Plus we were down a person. <br />
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In WoW, I've come to the realization that I'm not as good as I think I am. It comes up every few months when I try to do something, struggle, and fail. It hit me hard this week since it started on Thursday and continued through Friday. I've been making changes to my UI, trying new things with healing mythic plus, trying to do the damage I see other healers do. And I'm failing. And it just made me pretty down on myself this past weekend. I'm back on the upswing of not caring and still having fun now, so yay there.<br />
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I'm also struggling with what to say to someone who has a profile picture in discord that is not appropriate for our discord. But this guy popped in once for 10 minutes then left. He has an alt in the guild, just 1, and barely plays in the guild. So how do I approach that? Still trying to figure it out.<br />
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But I was the one who felt it was inappropriate, who felt I needed to talk to the guy. I just feel, with all the stuff that comes out, if I allow things I think are demeaning to women to stand without a comment now I am contributing to the issue. Right now I'm waiting to see if he's going to be more active in our discord before really saying anything. And I still don't know what to say. It's a work in progress.<br />
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And now, 6 days off in a row! Without having to go to any continuing education- though I will be catching up on some online. I'm excited for the break, even if a trip to New Jersey is not my ideal vacation, but family is family. See ya later!Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-76948330399143535772020-06-28T16:10:00.000-07:002020-06-28T16:10:10.563-07:00Convenience Euthanasia<br />
This week has been full of sensitive topics. In the game world, there are sexual assault victims coming forward about a well known player. It is a difficult topic to discuss, and everyone coming forward to share their experiences is incredibly brave. And I hope it prevents people from being hurt in the future, and I am heartsick that people had to go through those experiences in the first place.<br />
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I am lucky. I have never experienced a similar situation. My heart goes out to the brave people coming forward to prevent future cases.<br />
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In the vet world, I came across the following <a href="https://www.facebook.com/haoting.chow/posts/10158955082305572" target="_blank">article</a>. I can't appear to get a link working- so here it is: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/haoting.chow/posts/10158955082305572">https://www.facebook.com/haoting.chow/posts/10158955082305572</a><br />
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I'm not sure how well that links, but below is a piece from a veterinarian on a sensitive topic- aggressive pet euthanasia and convenience euthanasia. I have never performed what I consider a convenience euthanasia, but I have euthanized animals for treatable conditions. In some cases, even with treatment they had a poor prognosis. In some cases, the condition was treatable but the treatment would be tough, or was expensive. It's a fact of being a veterinarian that you will euthanize something for a treatable condition due to finances. In my cases, that particular experience was a GDV, which can have a poor prognosis and a number of GVDs end up euthanized on the table when you see the extent of the damage to the stomach and intestines.<br />
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I have been asked to perform what I considered a convenience euthanasia as a vet once, and as an assistant to schedule one by a client once. That case was someone moving who did not think her adult cats would adjust to living with anyone else and did not want to surrender them. We did not schedule her. The case where I was the veterinarian was scheduled as dog with malformed legs, owner requests euthanasia. It sticks in my mind rather vividly, since it was my first time encountering this as a vet.<br />
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It was a mastiff, with normal conformation, who had really bad flea allergies. The owner was also complaining the dog wouldn't eat anything, but when we put canned food in front of him he gobbled it up. And she said "well of course he'll eat canned food" but she refused to try changing his food at home. She claimed he had lost 20 pounds due to lack of appetite- records we had showed a 3 lb weight difference. I refused to euthanize, and that was the first time I really felt supported at that job as my boss told me she would stand behind that decision. The owner refused to surrender (I worked at a shelter at the time and we would have taken him and treated), and agreed to try treatment. Came back 2 or 3 days later screaming about how I don't have to live with the dog peeing everywhere because of the steroid we put it on, and how they can't just let him stay outside because their neighbor will feed him even though one of their complaints was the dog wouldn't eat. She eventually left after we refused to euthanize a healthy dog with a treatable condition that we were willing to take on.<br />
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That is my line for euthanizing treatable conditions- am I willing to take this case on if the owner will surrender it and find it a home or keep it myself? If I can't conceivably treat the case, how can I expect the owner to? I suppose the best example of this is diabetic pets: I discuss (more with dogs than cats, due to the nature of the condition in the different species) with all new diabetic pet owners euthanasia when the diagnosis is made. If you can't treat this, I tell people, consider euthanasia. Dying of diabetic ketoacidosis is not a kind way to go. I would rather euthanize before they get to that point than have an owner willfully not treat.<br />
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My other line for euthanizing is aggression. I have an aggressive German Shepherd myself. She is great with me, and will let me do anything to her, but she will try to bite strangers. I give her medication before company comes to my house. I put her up if I can, avoid the issue altogether. I muzzle her if she has to come to work with me. And in the past, my family worried that we would have to euthanize her.<br />
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I have never felt unsafe around my dog. She has never shown aggression towards me or my family. But if did, I would euthanize. I am not sure I could do it- I have not been a vet long enough to have to euthanize my own pets, but as they get older I know that day is coming and I still don't know what I will do.<br />
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But on the issue of aggression- I love animals, but human lives are just as valuable. If a dog is showing aggression towards people, and I refuse to euthanize, and it goes on to maim a child- I feel like that would be on me. That is the one case I will euthanize even a sweet, seemingly healthy animal. I will certainly ask some questions- what was the situation, do an exam to see if the pet is painful and the child hurt it. But I have euthanized a young, physically healthy dog while the owner sat there with bandages on her arms crying because she was unpredictably aggressive. I have euthanized a physically healthy pit bull in the shelter who just would not allow anyone to safely handle her even with slow, careful attempts and much time spent trying.<br />
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And I believe that while these dogs may be physically healthy, they are not mentally healthy well adjusted dogs. And these are some of the hardest euthanasias to do, and some of the hardest decisions their owners can make. It's easy to euthanize a physically sick dog, when you can see how bad of fit is.. It is so much harder to make that decision for a mentally sick dog who is physically healthy. But living in fear of your pet, and for a pet to live in potentially isolation if that's the only safe way to handle it, is no kind of life. I have worried about having to euthanize my own dog for this reason, and cried over it multiple times. I have not had to thank God, but I can understand where the decision comes from. And it is the one case where I will euthanize physically healthy patients.<br />
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Euthanasia is the toughest decision you cam make for your pet. There are all kinds of quality of life scales designed to help people come to that decision. And all kinds of clients who want me to tell them it is time. And that is something I cannot do. I will honestly tell people if I think their pet is suffering. But I also tell people we can throw money at diagnostics and potential treatments for a long time before getting there. And is a temporary suffering that the pet may recover from like an episode of CHF that is improving a reason to euthanize? Getting past that episode may be more than some people can afford to spend though, and that is understandable. Or a broken limb- that's certainly suffering, but a healable injury for sure. Anyone who comes to be after making the serious decision to euthanize I will evaluate. It is not an easy decision to come to.<br />
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But as I told the woman with the mastiff- I have to be able to live with my decision to euthanize. And as she yelled back at me, I don't have to live with the pet I refuse to euthanize. (though she didn't have to either- we offered to take him) But that is the question I ask for every treatable condition- can I live with this pet, if the owner can't? Thank goodness a lot of them have no idea we can treat their pet's issues and are willing to try when they find out we can.<br />
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But I cannot kill a perfectly healthy pet because the owner just doesn't want it anymore. A lot of my cases stay with me. I sometimes forget their names- I very often forget the owners. But I can see the brown shih tzu developing heart failure and the older woman who can barely afford the exam fee to see me, much less the ~$100 /mo of medication alone her dog would need, not even talking about the blood work monitoring. And the 13 year old dog with GDV who has been having issues for days. And the older lab with a hemoabdomen, We waited for their adult children who grew up her to get there before she was euthanized. All potentially treatable, but unlikely to have a good prognosis. <br />
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I could go on and on. I don't remember every pet I euthanized- I don't even remember the number. Some stick with me more than others. My goal is always euthansaia- a good death. A peaceful passing for the pet and owner, the best final gift I can give my patients. And I dread the time for so many of my patients, and thinking about this is making me treat up. Though I have been especially emotionally unsteady lately- lack of sleep + bad diet = teary and / or easily angered Nala.<br />
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At one point I seriously considered a job in palliative care and home euthanasia. I am not sure I am cut out for such a position at this time in my life. But I still put a lot of effort into my euthanasias.<br />
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As I re-read what I wrote, I keep thinking of more and more cases- some heartrendingly sad, some sweet. This has dragged on way longer than I meant it to, but I wonder if I should write the stories down somewhere.Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-14028610538171251012020-06-22T11:32:00.002-07:002020-06-22T11:32:28.279-07:00Work ChangesA little bit of change at work this week, the new doctor started. I call her new, she just transferred from out of state. She's not a baby doctor or anything. Seems nice enough. Still getting used to the other new doctor who transferred a few weeks ago. We went from 2 full time 1 part time doctors, to 1 full time (me) and 4 part time. Part time at our location, they're all splitting time with other hospitals. It's a change, trying to get used to it. It doesn't help that we're still opening an hour later so I don't get time to get there a few minutes early, look at the schedule, get a game plan. I'm hopeful we'll be back to our normal opening time soon, but there's no end in sight yet.<div>
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My current work/life struggle is being managed. We've been pretty busy- I've heard a lot of vet clinics have been slammed, and there have been some ERs turning people away. It's been crazy. Some of it has been normal things that people just never noticed and didn't realize were normal- like the male dog nipple ticks, saliva staining on paws not blood (though not normal, not an emergency) and smegma. It just makes it worrisome that the real emergencies won't get treatment in a timely manner. Though you can't help people who won't seek treatment because they don't want to pay the ER fee.</div>
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In WoW news, we killed Drest, yay! Not a fun fight to heal, everyone is so spread out. And my innervate-giver swapped from druid to hunter so I have to play a little more conservatively with my mana.</div>
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We had a bit of raid drama. Some people have been swapblasting other people to their deaths. I've been a victim of my boyfriend doing it since Blackrock Foundry, and it annoys the shit out of me, so I get it. Other people started, someone got pissed off and left. In return, someone got upset at him for leaving and swapped the crap out of him the next night. And I just want people to be adults and move on. We should not need to have a discussion about not being a dick to people in raid. We are all adults. But I suppose it fits in with my work-mandate professional development plan- this year I am working on communication skills. </div>
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I failed at communication there. I knew there was a problem and took no action to stop it. I made a few passive comments about it, but didn't really do anything. I probably should have. Maybe I should read that fierce conversations book that was recommended to me.</div>
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I've been in another negative downward spiral- little things are really getting to me. I'm not really trying the healthier thing so much right now. Stress hits and I go open a bag of potato chips or ice cream. That's probably contributing. And being so busy at work I have to constantly be moving, planning, doing something in the most efficient manner possible to keep on track has been wearing me down. I like being busy- I hate being overwhelmed. It has made me snappy and overly sensitive to things I would normally shrug off. </div>
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<br />Here's to trying to be better next week!</div>
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<img src="https://scontent.forf1-4.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/90955375_2345042172455151_7736879586511683584_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=9AFPyKm4QTYAX908UuQ&_nc_ht=scontent.forf1-4.fna&oh=ec646b008648748a7965f9d05fab97bc&oe=5F165C87" /><img src="https://scontent.forf1-3.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/84738920_2303388906620478_4148963335926185984_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=D1Am04_uGy8AX9h3eAK&_nc_ht=scontent.forf1-3.fna&oh=08e4a5249c79be6f2bcad51f10b2da3f&oe=5F14FCC7" /></div>
Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-21183165019230260032020-06-10T11:56:00.000-07:002020-06-10T11:56:11.121-07:00Brain ProblemsI had a really good day on a number of levels, but I still let the bad thoughts win today. And I wonder why my brain is primed that way.<br />
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I saw 2 of my favorite patients today. A sweet dog and a really nice cat. And instead, I focus on the 5 bad dogs I saw. I did really well today, kept on schedule even though we were busy- I had an awesome team today, 2 of my favorite co-workers. One of them, at one point, I thought should be fired for a toxic attitude and some poor work performance. But that's another story. We get along well now, and I think we work well together now that we have figured each other out. Makes me think of that Anne Bishop quote, some people need a hard lesson and some people are the hard lesson. I have had to learn a lot about how to get along with co-workers, and how easy going I am apparently not. I always thought I was...<br />
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But, back to my main thought: Nothing objectively bad really happened today. Sure, we had some difficult to work with dogs, and one kind of scary dog, but things went well. Raid, where some things did go poorly, was well after this point in my day. Why was I so down on what should have been a good day?<br />
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I'm working on being healthier- trying to feel my feelings in stead of eating them (which is what this post is about), sometimes trying for more sleep. That one is tough, so many of the people I do things with are more nocturnal than I am. And I end up staying up way later doing things I don't need to do. So many of the things I am reading and listening to now talk about the mental side of things. Shaping your thoughts to get the feelings you desire, or stepping back to the facts and figuring out what you are feeling and thinking about them. Mindful meditation, taking care of yourself.<br />
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I feel like some days I am too busy to have time for this stuff. Then I wonder if I'm a workaholic- I just went down a day on my schedule and immediately wondered if I should pick up ER relief shifts for extra cash. I constantly worry about debt repayment- student loans are killer. I went down a day for my health, and mental well being so at this time I have not started looking for another part time job.<br />
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But veterinarians have a higher suicide risk than you might expect. And I am aware of that, and sometimes it pops into my daily life. A colleague walked out of the building with her drug box and committed suicide in a car. Not one I know personally, but works for the same company. We have to, as part of our AHAA accreditation, have information about suicide prevention on our controlled drug boxes. And when I hear stories like that, I want to be a healthier person- physically and mentally.<br />
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I would like to be able to feel like myself again. I hadn't realized I had stopped feeling that way until I suddenly felt normal a few weeks ago. I've been talking a lot with a friend about depression, and how it can affect your personality. I've often wondered if I need outside help. But then I feel like I have not time, and continue to tackle it all myself. Until I give up and go eat my feelings again.<br />
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I don't know why my brain focuses more on the negatives than positives. Always on the mistakes, not the good. I think I'll start with a small effort- I have a hard time telling other people they are doing well when they are doing the minimum I expect them to do- their job. Looking for good things, complimenting people, might give me a reason to look for the good outcomes, see the bright side, instead of focusing on the bad things that I may not be able to affect. Or help me recognize the things I can actually fix.<br />
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If you've read through this long- here's a picture of my dogs:<br />
<img src="https://scontent.forf1-4.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-0/p280x280/102678230_260175055413885_1165509157210019006_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_ohc=2E-8QgaXfAMAX8zXG4y&_nc_ht=scontent.forf1-4.fna&_nc_tp=6&oh=8823e219f3eb5bb175205033253dead6&oe=5F064ABB" /><br />
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And here's a tidbit of vet knowledge: there is no best dog food. Some foods are better than others, but in general if your pet is eating it well, normal stool, nice coat and no itchiness or other skin issues the food is probably ok. Though I do recommend making sure it is AAFCO certified, ideally food trial tested- it will say somewhere on the bag. I get that question a lot from people.<br />
<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-46596545988896464752020-05-28T21:29:00.001-07:002020-05-28T21:29:42.505-07:00So much new stuff!So much change in my life right now, mostly with work.<br />
<br />I am super excited that, starting in June, I am going to be going from 4 days one week/5 days next week to a 4/4 schedule at work. An extra 2 days off a month! I immediately took a look at ERs in my area, and thought about picking up shifts. I think I might be a bit of a workaholic. I did stop myself since I am going down a day because I feel exhausted and over worked.<br />
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I am also getting a new boss and a new co-worker. My solo doctor days may be over. Not sure how I feel about that. The new doctor likes to bake, I've heard, which is a big plus. But new people can be scary. Especially when one of them is going to be my boss. I'm a little nervous about that. It'll only be for a year, then she will likely be moving.<br />
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In the WoW world, we killed Hivemind, yay! We're 5/12 mythic now. I am learning disc, slowly, and not very well. I'll probably be holy the rest of the expansion really, but I will keep working at it. We have some new people in the guild, I will have to make an effort to reach out. So many names I don't know now.<br />
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Our current raid discussion is what to do with behavior we do not want to allow. Can we afford to ask someone to sit when they did something that needs to be acknowledged as a bad decision? We'll see what happens there. TBC I suppose.<br />
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Good night!Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-56143110212735419562020-05-13T19:54:00.002-07:002020-05-13T19:54:26.300-07:00Shad'har Fun! And some doctory thoughts....So we're wiping to Shad'har- 2% wipe! We totally have it tonight. I should probably give our under-geared pally a vantus rune.....<br />
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But while I lie dead on the floor there, I thought I'd write about something that has been ruminating in my head since Friday: I had a St Bernard spay on Friday. >100 lbs, wasn't looking forward to it. It ended up going fantastic, my tech was impressed by the small incision, and no complications! (until my tech sent me a text in the middle of this raid that the dog tried to scratch out her sutures, lovely.)<br />
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But- I offered a gastropexy, tacking the stomach to the body wall to reduce the risk should the dog bloat. Colloquially called bloat, GDV (gastric dilatation volvulus) is when the stomach fills (dilatation) usually with air though sometimes with food, and twists (volvulus), a condition more common in the large, deep chested dogs- great danes are the poster children for this, but we offer it for all large, deep chested dog spays. Gastropexy (stomach tacking) is tacking the stomach to the body wall so if the dog were to bloat, the stomach would not twist- the twisting cuts off blood vessels. The decreased blood supply to the stomach, spleen, and gut can be really dangerous- it only takes a short time for the intestines to die once their blood supply has been cut off. Gastropexy makes bloat a little bit less dangerous, since the stomach doesn't twist, just bloats, which we can decompress without surgery. Otherwise GDV is a surgical condition, with (depending on a few factors) a potentially poor prognosis. I will always offer euthanasia as an option for GDV. If you can't do surgery, euthanasia is the kindest thing to do.<br />
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Anyway- I was glad the client declined the gastropexy. I was really stressing out- I had a bad dream about work stuff related to the gastropexy, I was worried my nurse would forget to offer it, and then I was worried I'd forget to quote the cerenia (anti-nausea medication). After tacking the stomach the LAST thing I want is for the dog to vomit, and tear all my sutures out. I was watching videos I've only done 2, and none solo) and then the client declined. And I was relieved. I would not have to miss lunch with the unexpected extra surgery time for this dog, since the schedule was poorly done that day, and it was a Friday which already goes to hell most weeks.<br />
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Woo, Shad'har down! Writing this from Hivemind's floor now.<br />
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And it's been eating at me- am I a bad doctor for being relieved that the client declined a procedure that is in the pet's best interest long term? And this is not the firs time- I HATE pulling teeth, especially broken carnassials (the really big teeth at the back). Diseased teeth that are about to fall out anyway? Sure, I sometimes remove them free of charge with "aggressive cleaning" but extracting broken teeth sucks. I tell people who ask me "Do they really have to come out?" that the phrase "it's like pulling teeth" exists for a reason- pulling teeth sucks. So sometimes I'm relieved people decline- and most of the time it'll be fine, but the worry about tooth root abscesses is real so I do go over the signs to look out for. But is it a bad thing that I am occasionally relieved I don't have to to these procedures?<br />
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Intellectually, I know there are doctors out there who refer for anything they don't feel comfortable for, which in some cases includes things I find simple. And I did offer, and was willing. So I don't feel bad-I totally would have done the procedure. I may not have gotten lunch, but it would have been done. But I didn't need to.<br />
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I will have to remember that I offered the best care for the pet, and the owner declined. The old phrase, you can't care more than the owner does, comes to mind. I just want to be super!doctor some days, and I'm not. Most days I feel like acceptable!doctor, and continue to work towards being the best veterinarian I can be. And no one knows everything. That's why we have specialists to refer to and learn from!<br />
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And now, onto WoW woes! First, the lag tonight was real- repeatedly lagging out on bosses. We did get a new boss down, so yay there. I'm still struggling with feeling useless- no longer a raid leader, never a good healing lead- I made one attempt and gave up when the raid leader came up with a better plan. I've always been a fly by the seat of my pants healer. I used to do 10 mans, with the same 3 healers who I knew well, so I knew how to anticipate CD usage. And we never really assigned anything. In mythic, assignments are needed. Our raid leader off spec does whatever we need, but mostly heals. And does it on disc- which I suck at. I am trying to learn- I believe I resisted mostly from stubbornness, but also discipline just does not click with me. I did challenge modes as disc way back in Mists of Pandaria, when it was really easy. Now, it's something I have to pay attention to constantly to do moderately decently, where as every other healing spec I do takes way less attention. And from a contrary point of view- I love my resto druid. At the start of the tier I really looked forward to playing resto. Some drama with a new guildie who was promised the only resto spot (may discuss someday- old news, not important) meant I swapped. And we did not have a healy priest. And the leader that that time (not me, not the current one- also old news, may discuss someday) thought a disc priest would be good. Really everyone did. So of course I couldn't play disc. And it just doesn't click, and I have limited time to learn. I'm working on it now though! Angel of death announcing when I failed is not fun.<br />
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I forget where I was going with that thought- that I struggle with a role in the guild that I am an officer in in WoW? That I feel unneeded in a raid I used to lead in said guild? I am glad not to be in charge anymore- our current raid lead does much better than I ever did. Which some days also makes me feel bad. But most days I am glad about that. And I try to remember people have different strengths, and I probably bring something to the table, even if it's just putting down the feasts/making the cauldrons.<br />
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But for now, I am going to stay up a little bit later than I should doing some mythic plus, since tomorrow is going to start with an early appointment (going in 45 min early) for a quality of life appointment (read: probable euthanasia) for a patient of mine who is basically on palliative care. I am sure I will write about her later.Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-83502298372205151832020-05-06T16:47:00.000-07:002020-05-06T16:47:26.162-07:00Something Educational?I wanted to do a post that was a bit educational instead of me usual rants, but I'm not sure I succeeded. Here's a list of random thoughts from your friendly companion animal vet. Some things we just can't say to clients, no matter how much we want to.<br />
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-I don't care where the drugs your dog ate came from, I just want to know if your dog could have gotten into drugs. I do not report anything to authorities.<br />
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-I love your pet. I want what is best for your pet. But I can't care more than you do, and I can't make decisions for you.<br />
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-I do not recommend heartworm prevention or flea and tick prevention to make money but to protect your pet. I also do not recommend it to make your dog sick so you have to spend more money. (Fleas are gross, and seeing one makes me itchy) And did you know 10 years of heartworm prevention is cheaper than going through the treatment once? Not to mention so much easier on the dog.<br />
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-Muzzles are just a tool and do not mean I think your dog is a bad dog. Same with oral sedation and cats- I do it to save them and my hands. Please don't make it harder on your pet because you think it reflects badly on you or them.<br />
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-It is not my job to make sure you bring your pet in where they are due for basic preventative care. We do our best- oh boy do we, with phone calls and e-mails and things mailed to you that your dog is coming due/past due, reminders on your invoices. I cannot make you come in for the appointment though, so don't get mad at me when you miss it and need to repeat something.<br />
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-I do not do vaccines to make money. I do it because I believe your pet will benefit. Vaccines are not some money making scam. Parvo is real.<br />
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-It is not my job to look up what vet in whatever city you lived in 5 years ago to get your cat's vaccine history. And if she hasn't been back to a vet in 5 years, she needs her rabies anyway. I do sympathize with this one- if I didn't work at a clinic, I imagine I'd have a much harder time keeping track of my pet's records.<br />
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-Your dog did not give your kid strep throat. Human doctors don't always understand zoonotic things - yeah that kitten probably did give you ringworm though.<br />
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-Please, ask me if you have a question. No question is stupid; I want you to be involved and knowledgeable about your pets care. I absolutely want you to trust my decision ,making, but I also want you to know why we give things like lepto vaccines and heartworm prevention. We are here to educate you.<br />
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-We do not keep a jar of fleas in the back to put on your pet, it came in with fleas.<br />
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-It's great the allergies improved on the medication! Of course they came back when you stopped it, do human allergies disappear after a single dose of allergy medication? No, you keep taking it daily. It is so much cheaper to manage allergies and prevent flare ups than to come in and treat chronic ear and skin infections from poorly managed allergies.<br />
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-The internet is not always right.<br />
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-Just because someone works in a pet store does not mean they are a nutrition expert.<br />
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-If your dog is limping- NOT USING A LEG- that leg is painful. Just because they are eating and their tail is wagging does not mean they are not in pain. Do you eat when you're injured? Or laugh?<br />
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-Taking pain medicine does not mean your dog is weak. Your dog is not getting addicted to the dog version of ibuprofen, ok? Just give them the NSAIDs please. And call us before giving them over the counter stuff- ibuprofen is BAD for dogs.<br />
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-If you can't touch your dog's feet, why do you think I can trim his nails? I'm a scary stranger, and you want to make today worse by having me try to cut his nails?<br />
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That's it for random vet comments, before I just start getting snarky. For WoW; Mythic Shad'har progress tonight, woo! I must learn to play disc priest, so the holy angel of fail doesn't make it obvious when I die. Alternatively, I can learn to, you know, not die to stupid. It's an ongoing process.<br />
<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-61047990349660444762020-05-05T20:17:00.001-07:002020-05-05T20:17:41.974-07:00Re-IntroductionHello! A lot has changed in the years since I started this blog, and after a few year hiatus, a re-introduction seemed like a good idea.<br />
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Hi, I go by Nala here on the internet. I'm a small animal veterinarian who works for a large corporate practice, and in my spare time I play World of Warcraft.<br />
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I still consider my self a doctor in progress. One of my favorite things about veterinary medicine is there is always more to learn, more to do. You can always go learn something new, some new procedure, some new way to help your patients.<br />
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Last year, my big learn was acupuncture. I have an older lab, and I want to keep her comfy and happy forever. Since I know forever is not feasible, as long as possible is my goal. Acupuncture can help with pain control with arthritis and really everything. When I finished my training, I kept thinking, there's a point for that! But I definitely don't use acupuncture as well or much as I could.<br />
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Cause I'm still in progress, and a wimp and scared of failure sometimes.<br />
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I thought about doing "a day in the life" but someone already did it much better than I could. She does talk more about the burn out and suicide rate than I perhaps would have, but it is fantastic. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=objP3E625Xo" target="_blank">Here</a> is the link to Dr. Bowden's talk.<br />
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That's a good, typical day. I went from back to back euthanasias today to a new puppy appointment. It happens frequently. I don't have a phone call slot- I have to work that around appointments. Otherwise pretty similar. We all have our Ollie stories. Some are a success. Some are a failure. And I will carry those with me. And honestly, I worry that the day I don't take those thoughts home with me is the day I just won't care anymore, and should stop treating patients.<br />
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Today was a harder day at work than usual. And I came home to my hobby, WoW. Where we're starting mythic work, yay! And we're struggling to get 20 people, have to fill in. And we're working on a new boss. And I just want something mindless that I can be good at, but it's not quite working out.<br />
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In WoW, I am an officer in a fairly new guild- been around about 9 months now? It seems like longer since I've known most of the people for years. I've stepped down from raid officer, for someone who kinda blew it off with his real life responsibilities, and some one else stepped in.<br />
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And in some ways that also makes me feel like a failure. He's a great guy, and doing a way better job than I ever did. But the support that was given at the start of this tier- and frankly wasted by the guy who wanted the job at first- I was just so conflicted about. Was this help always there, and I didn't ask for or see it? Was it only there now because I wasn't? Was I a failure? Am I bad at this game I've played for so long?<br />
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Then I realized I was in a downward cycle of depression. And I spiral up and down, great some days, so unable to bring my self to do the simplest things other days. And some days the fact that my help isn't needed or wanted puts me in a bad place, and some days I'm grateful that I don't have to do anything. And some days I worry that people don't like me, and some days I remember that I'm an adult and who the hell cares?<br />
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So I'm a doctor in progress and working on being a healthy human being as well. That last part is such a work in progress. Sleep, eating well- it's tough. The fact that we have a candy bucket at work doesn't help. Though someone did put a few apples in it, which was a nice gesture that I am sure we will ignore in favor of the starburst jelly beans.<br />
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So that's me- a messy, emotional ball who will spend a lot of this blog worrying over a variety of daily life issues that plague me. I may occasionally attempt an educational piece, or just an update on progress.<br />
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Mostly, this blog is for me- I hold so much in. I haven't told anyone in my support circle about how tough today was, aside from a note that we should celebrate Cinco de Mayo with some margaritas because today was long. And I don't know if I should tell the woman who was crying at her dog's euthanasia with her sons out in the car, when I write her sympathy card, that on post-mortem exam it appeared to be oral cancer and she absolutely made the best decision for a likely untreatable condition. The location of the tumor would make surgery really a bad option, and he was 15, with a heart murmur, cryptorchid with one testicle larger than the other, and a host of other problems. I already told her she made the least selfish decision she could, and that treating him would likely not have helped and been really tough on him. But I didn't know about the tumor until after she left, and I don't know how to tell her now, if it would hurt or help. But these thoughts and experiences are what keep me in progress instead of stagnating.<br />
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So I will sleep on it, with a good margarita from my favorite Mexican restaurant, and write again later.Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-64241692508633707452020-04-30T20:02:00.000-07:002020-04-30T20:02:16.627-07:00Good things<br />Things were very negative last post, and tonight for me is being dragged down by some pessimism, so I'm going to recount the good things that happened this week.<br />
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We successfully killed a new mythic boss, Maut, and started working on Hivemind.<br />
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My priest has usable weak auras for Disc, and I feel like I might be able to really learn to play it. I was also told I don't need to, which relieves a lot of pressure about playing it.<br />
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I did my first cherry eye surgery today! Than you so much to Dr Abrams and his awesome <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGMGZ9BDJbo" target="_blank">video</a> that totally saved me! The dog presented for a neuter with a cherry eye, and when we called her about it she authorized repair.<br />
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My favorite co-worker might be back next week! She's pregnant and has been out for 2 months after getting the flu, coughing so hard she broke 3 ribs, and the corona outbreak. I might have my lunch buddy back really soon!<br />
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We had 2 separate instances of free food today. A lovely client had edible arrangements sent to us, so some of it was even healthy!<br />
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I had a successful, no complications spay this week too, after 2 bad ones last week.<br />
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And even with 2 days of crappy eating my weight hasn't gone up yet!<br />
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Those are the big ones I think of when I think of good things this week. There were lots of puppy snuggles as well, and only one incident of anal glands on my clothes, so I'll take it as a win so far.<br />
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One day left to do in the week, and no more plans that require me to have real brain power.<br />
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Next week I'll work on why I feel useless in WoW, and why I feel like I've been a bad doctor lately. But can only handle so much self-reflective negativity at a time before it all spirals down.<br />
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<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-80197838684199796862020-04-25T05:35:00.002-07:002020-04-25T05:35:39.597-07:00Bad DaysIt seems like lately, every day has been a stream of small, bad things. By themselves, nothing concerning- a surgery complication, but managed. A busy schedule. A missed lunch. Discussing surgery complication with the owners. The corporate people breathing down our necks about profit. Telling people that their dog likely has months left. And sick pets leading to euthanasias. And that is my topic today.<br />
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I do not mind euthanasias, I seriously looked into a job in hospice at one point. I do not feel like euthanasias weigh on my soul- for the most part. The ones that do, are the ones I wonder- Did I make this worse? Did I give these people false hope, and make this pet suffer through painful days? Did I give these people too bleak a picture, and treatment would have worked? And the ones that I try not to think about, the ones I perform where I know the pet has a treatable condition and could have a loving home somewhere, with time and money, but the time and money just aren't there. And my personal thoughts for those ones is if I won't take the pet home today and deal with the conditions, and I don't have anyone able to do so, euthanasia is viable. But those are the ones that hurt- the ones that just needed time and treatment, or the fear that I made an animal suffer through painful days needlessly for a recovery that was never going to happen.<br />
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And then there are the ones, that while they don't leave me doubting, don't leave me questioning my every decision in their care, that take so much out of me. The ones I have known and treated for years. The spicy cat that just laid there in front of me after not eating for days with the tumor in her abdomen. The old lab who just can't keep going for her people anymore.<br />
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I lost a patient today. Lost isn't really the right word- I ended her life. As I have done for many pets in the past, and will do for many in the future. But today, the barriers that let me compassionately help this cat die a peaceful death then let me leave the exam room and be the smiling, knowledgeable doctor excited for the new puppy that is my next appointment were just gone. Holes torn through them by a myriad of small stresses over the last few weeks. And the always constant question, did I do right by this cat?<br />
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I lost a patient today. To heart failure. She hadn't been to our clinic in a few months, but with the corona social distancing practices, I told the owner to bring in a urine sample for the UTI he thought his dog had, rather than having her come in. She came back a week later, in CHF. And was euthanized at the ER the next day.<br />
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I lost a patient last month. It was the first time I met him, but I'd treated his family's other dogs for a while. He was older, and had some neurological problems, and it was tool late to help him now- he'd reached the point where the owner wasn't willing to try. And he was a tough euthanasia. I could not get a vein, and he ended up being my first intra-hepatic euthanasia. I had not prepared what to say yo the owner in advance as I have for my usual euthanasia. I could only describe what I believed would happen from lectures and reading. And I had to convince her that he was not suffering for this, to her, non-standard way of euthanasia.<br />
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I lost 2 patients last month. And their owner brought in presents for me and my tech the next week. And they were so sweet, and absolutely did not deserve to die. But they had been deemed dangerous, and their owner was forced to euthanize due to court order, and she did not have the money to fight it. So at her request, I euthanized two young, physically healthy dogs, with animal control waiting out side to make sure we did. <br />
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Euthanasia is an important part of my job. It is something I strive to make peaceful and comfortable for the pet and client. But some days, I don't know how to make it peaceful for me. I absolutely knew, with my cat patient, that her quality of life today was terrible, and prolonging things would be a cruelty. But could surgery last week, when we discovered the problem, have fixed it? Or last month, when I thought, her abdomen feels odd- but was never able to recapture that feeling on repeat palpation? And could I have caught something having the dog come in to check her urine, instead of just a sample? Started her on lasix earlier, or at least talked to the owner and learned that she had been coughing since December, he just didn't think it was a big deal.<br />
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<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-285388260043353642018-01-19T08:33:00.001-08:002018-01-19T08:33:52.991-08:00New YearA little late to talk about the new year, but here we go.<div>
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A brief reflection on 2017- lots of big things happened.</div>
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-I quit my job. That makes the second job I've ever quit for reasons unrelated to moving out of the area. And on my last day one of the assistants told me some lovely things about what the other doctor had said about me. Made me both really, really glad to be leaving and really sad. I think of myself as a likable, friendly person. The other doctor and I were merely colleagues, who barely talked to each other. Two introverts who made no effort, I had thought. That day I found out she likely had a bad opinion of me , both as a person and a doctor. Made me really sad, and a little angry that she never tried to talk to me about it. So very happy to have moved on to my new job.</div>
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-Started a new job! It took a while to get used to the other doctor asking my medical opinion- not used to that from my old place, but a nice change. I was initially a little worried since several doctors I worked with had bad opinions of the doctor I currently work with, but so far we get along great and I love working with people who actually like each other. Plus, now I no longer work 6 days a week every week! That is my favorite part, time off.</div>
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-I bought a house! Sadly, my student loans are still more expensive than the house I bought. Not even close. But yay, I have a house! I now live 10 minutes form my job. No more hour-long commutes stuck in traffic.</div>
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Those are the 3 big things in my real life from 2017.</div>
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In WoW:</div>
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-My guild leader took a large step back due to health issues. He usually is less active as the expansion goes on, but he had to completely stop for a bit at one point due to health issues. We officers are currently trying to better hash out officer duties, more official guild rules than "don't be a jerk" and figure out the future of our raid.</div>
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-We lost a few good guildies from the game. Most to burn out, some to boredom. </div>
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-The end is in sight! New expansion announced, I've hit 75 on my artifact weapon on 2 specs.</div>
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Current projects:</div>
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-Our guild rules/officer duties discussion</div>
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-Figuring out what we want to do with raiding once we clear the tier, and how to tell some people they just aren't hashing it in the heroic raid and should stick to open normal night. I suck at telling people no. </div>
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-Finishing unpacking! At least by next Thanksgiving.</div>
Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-22643073525181324642017-08-05T07:18:00.000-07:002017-08-05T07:18:04.071-07:00I'm Back! And of course, complaining Wow, it has been some time. I have felt the urge to write, but it mostly strikes at work, and I don't want to do personal stuff on work computers. And blogging from my cell phone would likely be a pain.<div>
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Ah, work. I graduated! Full fledged veterinarian now, out and practicing for a year. I took a job with a shelter that also has a full service clinic for the public. I occasionally regret that, and occasionally really love it. I am looking for a different job due to work troubles- which may or may not end up another post. But today, this week, has been bad in work, job hunt, and WoW. With the triple whammy, I felt the urge to write my thoughts down.</div>
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The quick ones- 5 euthanasias in 3 days, the last one was an emotionally wrought emergency with a suffering dog we kept alive a bit longer than we should have in hind sight so family could get there, only to euthanize as they walked in.</div>
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Then Friday, I get notice that two of my patients have died. One expected, the other, while not directly my fault- the owners never came in for follow up care and instructions as directed, and never told me they wouldn't be able to, I still feel responsible. Because I had the option to send the cat home with a technician for care, and instead, happy the presenting people wanted to keep it instead of surrender, sent it home with them, believing they could care for it over night, and come in for further care in the morning if needed. So I indirectly killed that one.</div>
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I have been job hunting for several months, with little success. I turned down the offer from the first place I interviewed, which I think gave me false hope, since everywhere else has not worked out. Then I took a week off in September, for a few reasons, but one was to house hunt in the area where I am job hunting, believing an interview over the weekend went really well and I would get the job. House after I put the request in, was contacted and told they were not interested in hiring me.</div>
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That evening, raid time! Main tank and RL whispered me half an hour before the raid- sick, can't make it, can I run it? Sure, ok. Start raid up- we have a few guildies who like to get the Gul'dan thing. Tonight, they killed people as we zoned in. Annoyed 3 raiders (including our other tank and our strongest healer) and they just quit raid and logged. We ended up doing an alt run, unsuccessfully, with 2 alt tanks who were not geared well. Quit early. And I was pissed- at the people with the gul'dan antics, a bit, and they were talked to. At the people who up and quit without discussing any issues prior, I was furious. They said, later, the problems had been going on for weeks unaddressed- well, yeah, if no one tells me there's a problem, I don't address it. Leaving mid raid without comment was NOT the way I would have liked that handled. They wasted 15 people's time because they were annoyed at 2 people.</div>
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Still working out the raid situation.<br />I have amazing colleagues- posted about job woes and stress and had some instant responses. </div>
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And I have new hope after getting a full night's sleep that next week will be much better.</div>
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Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-67421049202099103022016-09-13T20:59:00.000-07:002016-09-13T20:59:01.938-07:00Always DramaAs I write that, I realize there is no drama but what I am making it out to be. And in 2 weeks, there absolutely should not be an issue.<br />
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I have led the second raid team, the open, everyone can come if you can meet the minimum level requirement, group, for oh, since the end of SoO. I had planned on starting it the week after raids start, when LFR releases. I usually se the minimum level to be what LFR drops, so it makes sense. Plus, people can practice in LFR, which a lot of the people in that group need.<br />
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My guild leader had a short, 30 second or so conversation about it, in which it was mentioned I would do it week one if demand was high. I'd even lead a second group the first night if we had enough people.<br />
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Then a friend asks me what's going on with the group, someone else is leading it next Thursday. Another friend put up the invite for it. I talk to him and our GM asked him to do it. And I'm a little peeved at them.<br />
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The GM, for not just saying he wants me to have one, and the other guy for no good reason. I'm really only taken aback by him, I think. Out GM told him I was busy, wasn't sure about the schedule, and asked him to do it, so he did. He's a nice guy, ran mythic with me on his toon after he'd done them a few times that week. Always helps out, brings his main to bosses we need it, willing to do whatever. Super nice. So I can't be upset at him.<br />
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I guess I'm just possessive over the raid. It's my run. Been doing it a long time. Have specific things set. Was looking forward to our first night, now that I write this.<br />
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And the lack of communication really makes me want to scream. I'm already irritated by the promotion to officer of a few people. I remember one rage quiting at the end of a raid for loot issues, then not showing the next night. Others are fine people, but they do absolutely nothing outside of play the game. They don't really speak up or help out- they just raid and play their class well. Oh, they'll absolutely help if someone is told to talk to them about something to do with their class, but they don't do much else.<br />
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I guess to me officers should do something. Have a purpose. In the last guild, officers did invites and led events. Here, so many ranks can invite, officers do pretty much nothing. Occasionally remind people not to cuss.<br />
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And my rant has shifted. I've been tired, and it makes me much more irritated. I've had some tough cases, mysteries and euthanasias, super concerned people I can't comfort, good pets I feel I let suffer or am not helping enough. Plus being put in charge of an inventory that hasn't seemed to actually had inventory taken perhaps ever? Yeah, low stress.<br />
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But let's focus on good things:<br />
-Our puppy is ADORABLE<br />
-My druid hit 100, is gearing up, and I'm enjoying Legion<br />
-Companion app is useful<br />
-I have helped some patients. Super concerned owner's dog got her teeth cleaned and pulled, and she should be much more comfortable. Cat with an abscess got an appointment instead of likely ignored.<br />
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Always more I wish I could do-I wish I could give all the nervous dogs and cats some anxiety medicine. I wish I could give all the flea allergic dogs and cats good flea control. So many allergies. I wish I could talk to all our clients about all the things.<br />
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I had a sweet old lady client come in today to pick up medication, because phone tag wasn't working. Talking with her was really nice. Her dog likely has some degenerative myelopathy, which sucks, but the owner is nice. Now that I mention it, I think I had to muzzle the dog...But sweet owners.<br />
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I work at a place that will let me make changes. Which is grand. Where I can do things. Where I can talk to colleagues. I wish we had more complete records from other doctors, but I'm trying to keep mine good. I wish for a lot of things.<br />
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And tomorrow, I wish for a good day of appointments with fixable problems and animals who aren't suffering beyond what I can alleviate with treatment.<br />
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Do you know I made one old woman cry when I told her euthanizing because she couldn't treat was an acceptable thing to do? Now, treatment is preferable to me. But if your pet has a disease that is costly to treat and manage, and can cause the pet to suffer if not treated, I believe euthanasia is a choice. Rarely the first one, but it is always one, and we have to remember that.<br />
<br />
And the CE on VIN has been helpful. I expected Getting Through the Day to be like Getting Through the Night- how to handle regular day stuff, like that one was how to handle regular emergencies. But the first module was how to handle the day stuff we don't think about- communication and taking care of yourself.<br />
<br />
I've rambled so long I forgot I was even upset. Thank you for reading :)Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-45218025288219087292015-10-14T09:49:00.000-07:002015-10-14T09:49:55.097-07:00Offering HelpI was reading <a href="http://frostwolves.blogspot.com/2015/10/guildleader-chores-changing-mindsets.html" target="_blank">this post </a>from Navi earlier, and it struck a chord with me. I struggle with this a lot. I run the normal raid in my guild, and one night is an open, everyone can come night if you meet my minimum requirements. And thank goodness for guildies who don't mind doing a bit of carrying. We take everyone, and some of the people would like to come on the slightly stricter, I need you to kinda know your shit nights but they just aren't quite there.<br />
<br />
Our guild doesn't really have the best environment for asking for advice and getting help improving. Individually, I can approach several people with questions about their class and get helpful advice, but these people don't offer it up. And we don't encourage people to seek it out. I haven't ever been in a place that just offers up help. Even here, at vet school where most of the people love teaching, you have to go to them. And that's tough for a lot of people- especially if you view WoW as a game, something for fun, but not something to work at. I could easily turn WoW into a full time job trying to coax and coach people. Of course, what I want and what's actually best may not be the same thing.<br />
<br />
And I know I'm part of the problem. I am supposed to be policing the group a little better, as far as who can come and who can't, and I'm not. I don't know how to tell someone they need help. I worry that I'm upsetting people. For example, we had a guildie who used to come all the time, on many alts, going as far back as coming to flex runs with me in my last guild. And one day, I told him he was welcome to bring whoever he wanted to the open night, but he needed a little more work on that particular toon before coming to the slightly stricter night (I have a hard time calling it "closed" because it really isn't). And they pretty much stopped coming. They come along later in the night, if one of their friends asks, and they're great and bring their main and help when we're struggling. And when I think about them not coming now, I feel bad. I have no idea if they don't come for personal reasons, too many raid nights, or if it is what I said. I do tend to be self-centered and think I'm the cause of everything though. I do think they talked to another player, and improved their skills with that class- but they have not brought that toon, or any other alt, to my raids. I don't know if it was since then, or if it tapered off. I didn't notice it until some weeks later. But that makes me worry about telling people I need them to improve for the harder bosses.<br />
<br />
I have managed with some people who clearly need the work, telling them they can't come on the second night unless they improve, and offer to help. That is with classes I know a lot about (so, basically resto and feral druids). I get prickly if someone who doesn't play my class or role tells me what to do- oh if people could've heard me the day the tank tried to tell me how to heal. Or seen the look on my face. Cause, really dude? REALLY? Yeah, you better just stop there.<br />
<br />
I may be a tad sensitive about some things...<br />
<br />
I need a lot of improvement myself. Mostly with communicating. Rather than ask healers to call out CDs, I found an addon to track all the things. ALL OF THEM. Which, super helpful as raid leader- I know who rezzed whom in combat, and the timer left, no matter what the toon. Can track all the ring CDs and who popped it, plus all the big CDs and if I cared to several of the minor ones. Awesomely helpful addon. Does not foster communication beyond knowing who's tranq is off CD for me to call out (often unnecessarily because my healers are usually on the ball!)<br />
<br />
Anyways- how to foster a helpful atmosphere. Once upon a time, in a land far away, we thought about having an open vent night for questions and things... Not sure that'd work. Our vent is not very active outside of raids (another issues, but not one to be addressed here). And inside raids, I think I've pushed the "don't talk during boss fights please" hard enough that some people just don't talk. There are several "borderline" people as well- mostly ok, need some work but I don't know what and I don't have the time to dig through logs and find out.<br />
<br />
I think I am going to have to take the time, to at least sort out the ones who need mechanics work, DPS rotation work, and a few need some behavior work. I've had, not really complaints, but comments about how annoying so-and-so is, and I don't know how to address that.<br />
<br />
I'll set a few goals here:<br />
I know at least 2 people I need to talk to right off the bat. I will do that.<br />
-Look through logs, pick out those borderline people<br />
-Decide if they need to be talked to<br />
-Talk to the tanks and tank alternatives about swapping roles around, because that needs to be fixed.<br />
<br />
Before I actually talk to people:<br />
-pick one thing to talk to them about<br />
-try to work in something good they do<br />
-give them one thing to work on, and a way to work on it<br />
<br />
Ok, those are the tentative goals for this raid. Let's see if I get to them by Saturday.Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-56380659340013231432015-10-08T13:10:00.002-07:002015-10-08T13:10:20.245-07:00Catch-upWow, it's really been over a month? Time has been flying by. A few things have changed since then. Some personal stuff went down, which added a bit of stress on top of the usual. I've begun raiding again with the heroic group, and my normal group kill Mannoroth.<br />
<br />
On the school front: I finished Rehab and moved on to Exotics! It was fun, but pretty busy. They are called in for any exotic emergencies, so I had that a few times. One really bad night had me there til 9 dealing with a bunny who further featured her leg following surgical repair earlier in the day, then back at 11:30 til 2:30am for surgery on a bird with a prolapsed cloaca, and back in at 7 to check on the bird and bunny. Those few days were bad. Interesting, but sleep was dearly missed.<br />
<br />
Now I'm on radiology. It's been interesting, but stressful. There's a final at the end with a tough pass rate. Here's hoping I'll be ok when I take it tomorrow. The rest of this one has been pretty simple. Study cases, take radiographs, present a few cases, leave at 5 unless you are one of the few who has to stay late or cover on call.<br />
<br />
On the WoW front: WE FINALLY FINISHED GOLD CHALLENGE MODES, YAY! And I promptly set up another group for us to take alts. Cause I have a short memory and forget how much I hate scheduling things. Then someone offers to schedule things and I remember I am a control freak sometimes. Yeah... Anyway, on to group 2, so my monk can get a pretty weapon.<br />
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I'm raiding regularly with the heroic group again. We had a 2% wipe on Archi last night. I think we'll get it. The tiredness is making me more mellow about things like the fact we started half an hour late, went 15 minutes late, and were making some silly errors. Yay sleep deprivation! Been getting just enough to be mildly amused at everything, but not so little that I am entirely dead. On the plus side, this means I don't care so much and have been feeling more comfortable in raid. I will probably hang around as long as school will let me. Or until I don't wake up in time from post-school pre-raid naps.<br />
<br />
The normal group is doing quite well. I still have trouble telling people they can't come, but I'm working on it. We downed Mannoroth, but it took pulling in 2 heroic raiders to help. I'm hoping the additional tier will help us, and if we still struggle I'll remove some people who are having issues. Problem is, if I base it on DPS, we have some people who are ok with mechanics and have a great attitude who are just missing the DPS their gear would suggest. Everyone meets my minimum gear requirements, and I don't feel raising them is logical or would be helpful.<br />
<br />
It's something to work on. I've been forgetting. And my monk is the back-up tank for that group, but I'm about to drop that spec for WW. Eek! Just when I got my 4-piece too, I was looking forward to tanking. I do need the practice as windalker, so I plan to respec tonight. Which I had actually completely forgotten about until I wrote that. Whoops. I may need to heal anyway, but I'd like the option to DPS if I can.<br />
<br />
That's the short summary of the last month. Goals for this next month:<br />
-Finally do some work on Raiding with Leashes 3<br />
-Study for Boards (Nov 20th, TOO SOON)<br />
-Work on telling people they need to improve for the Sat groupDoctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-6561600739639465012015-09-03T05:37:00.000-07:002015-09-03T05:37:18.239-07:00Obligatory Post About Flying!Woo, we can fly! And new rares with new toys! And now that's out of the way, on to other things!<br />
<br />
The next topic that's got people a-buzz: timewalkers, and their rewards! New pets! New mounts! Going to take a decently long amount of time! Luckily, my monk is now pretty permanently a tank, so I can at least get quick queues if I end up doing these solo. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that- more stuff to do. I have so much on my list of things I'd like to do, and I rarely get to any of it.<br />
<br />
I still want to finish the Tanaan rep on my monk (my druid is set), and run old raids for pets and mounts (I have hardly even started raiding with leashes 3!), and eventually finish that archeology stuff (er, yeah, someday....), not to mention PvP gearing and achievements and all the achievements to do!<br />
<br />
I think I may be able to set up an achievement run on Monday, for HM and possibly BRF. That would be good. I'll look into it. In fact, I'll go set that up right now. ...And done. It's on the calendar.<br />
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This post may ramble a lot. Rehab has, sometimes, a lot of sporadic downtime. Potentially a ton of downtime today. That may mean I will go and come back to this post, and break my train of thought and ramble a bit.<br />
<br />
Today is going to be about chores: cleaning the house (the real one, I have company coming), emptying bags (the WoW ones- I hang on to all sorts of junk), and getting little things started or finished. Like the timewalker runs I need to do, and possibly getting a lockout for the normal raid tonight- haven't made up my mind yet.<br />
<br />
On the one hand, all that trash is annoying, the first boss is so easy, and I don't think anyone needs anything. On the other hand, clearing trash gives me time to set up and people to get there. On the third hand, I start invites 15 minutes before the raid. If they get there any later than start time, they can miss a boss or walk to the instance. Well, fly now. And saving that time at the start may allow us to get further on Thursday, so we can get further on Saturday. However, some easy kills on Saturday may boost morale when we hit the inevitable wall on Tyrant. On the other hand (I'm an octopus today), I could just do what I said I was going to- and be strict, and cut people from the Sat run, so maybe we won't hit the wall there and can hit it on another boss instead.<br />
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Which leads me into: I am not used to that (telling people they can't come), and we don't have a good cut-off set up for when someone has to go. Is it too low DPS? ilevel? It's easy to cut people for not enchanting- I tell people EVERY WEEK on the calendar. And made it the MotD today so I don't feel bad kicking people. Anyway, that's a personal thing to work on- and figure out if I want to help people improve personally (or by sending them to good people of that class to talk to) of just direct them to helpful resources and tell them they need to improve to come on Sat. In theory, I completely understand the need, but I worry about hurt feelings. Anyways. I'll deal with it as needed, but:<br />
<br />
That puts me back on square one: Trying to figure out logs for classes I only play one spec of, and don't fully understand. That may be my goal today.<br />
<br />
And this is long and rambling enough that I may cut this off here and go do other things. Yup, other things. Possibly logs, possibly practice questions for the veterinary boards. See ya around!Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-63903637297556113632015-09-02T06:12:00.002-07:002015-09-02T06:12:06.974-07:00What's been going on:<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been some time since I last checked in. I believe I was on neuro, which was 3 blocks ago. My life is divided up into 2 week segments at the moment. Since then, a lot has been going on.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3068b1f7-8e2f-888f-295d-a9db7c520479" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I finished neuro, and had a lot of fun and learned a good deal. I don’t really have an interest in surgery, and neuro does a lot of surgery. Herniated discs mostly, but occasionally brain surgeries as well. And I’m a little nervous doing anything that can leave a dog permanently paralyzed because my finger slipped. Not that they let students do the surgeries, but I did get to scrub in and observe.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After that, I had dermatology! Lots of itchy dogs and cats. Mostly it was allergy cases, and I am well versed in the allergy work-up now. The hours were great- 8-5 Monday to Friday, and 3-5 on Thursday. Can’t beat that!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had 2 weeks of vacation after that. In the middle, my guild leader was married and I traveled to Georgia for that. It was a nice ceremony, and good to put faces to names.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now I am back from vacation and on soft tissue surgery! (at the time I started writing this anyway...now I’m done with surgery and on to rehab!) They don’t let the students actually perform surgery. Though with the cases we have, I am not too surprised- they removed a liver tumor from a dog that was as big as a normal liver should be. And my case the next surgery day involved a lot- though it was really, really cool to see the lungs inflate and the heart beating as they did the pericardiectomy. But long hours- I was there til 8 that day, after getting there at 7 am! I miss my sleep. And over the weekend, I have to be in at 6 am.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Update on surgery now that it’s done: STUPID long hours the next week, like 5am to 7pm or later on that second week. OUCH! Still catching up on sleep because silly me kept trying to raid and play with friends.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the WoW front, things are about the same. Still running my normal run 2 nights a week. I FINALLY told someone they couldn’t come to the semi-limited night because of poor performance, and someone else because of gear. It is not something I have practice doing- this used to be the “everyone can come!” run, so now I have to keep it up. And continue to be strict. I have to decide if I am going to try to give tips to people or just tell them to do research.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And maybe have a word with the tank who wiped us because he wanted to see if he got a buff from the purple things on Fel Lord Zakuun… Really. That was not the first time we’ve done that fight.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway… I got my legendary ring on my druid, and I should have one on my monk this week unless I get really unlucky. Yay! </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My druid has been pawing it up as a feral in our main groups raids. It’s fun when I do better DPS than expected, and not fun because I prefer to heal. I really need to just stop going. I did not enjoy most of that raid, even when things were going well. I kinda feel like I’m no longer a part of that group- I don’t join in on the jokes, I don’t feel comfortable talking in vent. I am more relaxed in pugs. If I want to raid on my druid, I’ll pug with her. I prefer resto to feral anyway. I know absolutely how I lost my heal spot on that team, with all the uncertainty about raiding. You can’t really have a part-time healer, but it does make me sad sometimes.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tentative plan for the week: LOTS OF SLEEP</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-Hope the normal group gets to Xhul</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-STOP running with the heroic group</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-Do the new stuff for toys and pets and mounts!</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It will be a bit less fun, since one of my friends is in the raid, and he can’t raid and do stuff with me. And I don’t want to raid steadily with that group anymore. It’ll be tough enough keeping up the normal runs with school, I don’t have the time to raid 2 extra nights a week.</span></div>
Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-21464642428970099702015-07-13T07:22:00.001-07:002015-07-13T07:22:30.451-07:00Quick Recap<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I mentioned a while ago that I have started my final year of school. For vet school, that’s a clinical year where everything we’ve learned is put in to practice under the supervision of interns, residents, and senior clinicians.</div>
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My first rotation was Necropsy and Pharmacology! It was very interesting. They tried to ease us in since we’re new to the school and area, and it is indeed a very light schedule compared to some of the others. We do cases in the morning, and the longest that took was 12:30, and after that we meet up at 1 to talk about drug cases. The second week the days were even shorter with no discussions in the afternoon, except a case presentation on Friday.</div>
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The cases were interesting. We’ve saw some unusual presentations on heart-based tumors- one looked just like someone had stuck a marble in the atrium of the heart, and when the resident cut it open she went “whoa!” and so did pretty much everyone else she showed it to. I’m interested to see what that came back as from histopathogy.</div>
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One morning, we worked on a snake that was found dead in its cage and turned out to have had pneumonia. Their anatomy is not so different, just elongated. It did take us a while to decide if the liver was actually the liver because the gall bladder was down with the spleen, and as it turns out the liver has some stuff going on too.</div>
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My second rotation was equine medicine. I was much busier. Students were responsible for getting the treatments done before 8 am, which mean getting there at 6:30 some mornings, and we were often there to 6. Mostly is was colics, with a few other things sprinkled in. I ended up taking a strangles case on day 1, which meant I couldn’t do anything with any of the foals that came in since strangles is highly contagious. The horse was in isolation, but still, better to be safe.</div>
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My current rotation is nuerology. I love it. We still do morning treatments here too, but so far that means getting in at 7 to have treatments done by 8. We’re usually done for the day by 5 pm. The people here have been really nice, and though I was worried at first nuero has become much simpler since we broke it down to localize the lesion to one of these 8 possible things, then go from there. There is a lot of down time, so I’ve been catching up on studying. My plan is to work on studying for dermatology, my next rotation.</div>
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On personal stuff, I’ve been working on a general and unstructured “be healthier!” plan. I’m not too sure I’d call anything a success yet. I am taking a daily walk, but I now have a dog and live next to a very nice lake, so it’s hard not to go walking with her. And Bella (my dog) is doing so well here. The lake trails are very busy, but she doesn’t bark at other people or dogs. I think she’s too focused on the squirrels and trying to decide if she can take on the geese to bark at approaching dogs.</div>
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On the WoW front:</div>
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I was without my computer for nearly a week so I took a forced break. I think I finally don’t care about raiding with my guild, yay! I have even stopped listening to the stream one of our officers does. Of course, now I have the free time to do so again. Isn’t that always how it goes?</div>
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I’m hesitant to step back in, I’m not sure I’m in a good mindset to raid with them at the moment. I am a little tired, getting used to the early mornings, which makes me a little more sensitive to criticism and more likely to be unhappy with people. </div>
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I may do another day of the “normal” group, but the issue there is it looks like Thursday is the best day for most people. And I would really like to have an “open” day on the earlier bosses and keep bringing all the people who want to come, and then make the second night a bit more aimed at progressing. I don’t want to make it another heroic group until we’re clearing reasonably far in, at which point I may start doing something with lockouts to have a heroic night and a normal night, but i don’t know for sure yet.</div>
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I had talked my self out of doing a second night but I may have talked myself right back into it again. Right now, 9 people have replied, but only 6 can reliably do Thursday. I keep coming up with grand plans, but a lot of them involve me doing extra things I don’t have the time for.</div>
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Anyways, the exciting news: CHALLENGE MODES! We are 4/8 gold, 8/8 silver now. And we had a pleasant surprise finishing Grimrail- REALM BEST!!! I have no idea how that works, since one person on our realm has 11 minutes and change, and there’s another group of 3 people on our realm who have us beat by 5 seconds, but yay! Whoo! /cheer! I’m still smiling about that. We knocked out UBRS silver to get the mounts. Seems the 4th boss is buggy, in CM and mythic- that fire is going all the way to the door. We’ll work on getting gold next Sunday, and if it’s still an issue we’ll just have to work around it.</div>
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Now comes all the screen shots :)</div>
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Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-53488490277336801242015-07-12T16:33:00.000-07:002015-07-12T16:33:06.057-07:00*SQUEE*Been a while. I'll be back with a real update later- just wanted to share we got REALM BEST on Grimrail Depot CM! The time listed for our realm's best is something like 11:09, and we got 13:35, so I was shocked. I guess because he was the only person from our realm and the rest were from Mal'ganis. But I AM SO EXCITED!!<br />
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Elaylda is no longer the salty, but the Grimrail Suplexer!<br />
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<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-83935642513090962172015-06-10T20:12:00.002-07:002015-06-10T20:12:44.192-07:00Long BreakIt's been a long time since I've posted here, much less posted regularly. But I felt the urge to write a bit tonight. I wanted to share something with someone but didn't know who to talk to, so the general internet audience it is.<br />
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I raided with my guild in a heroic raid today for the first time in weeks. And I didn't have fun.<br />
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Not to say I hated it, or that I was angry or frustrated. I got loot, I was happy about that. But I felt a little out of place. I felt uncomfortable speaking in vent, like I would be judged or commented on. And I felt sad that I had lost what had been my place in that raid. I have had more fun with pugs. This just felt like something to do to pass the time.<br />
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I really appreciated being able to come along. I was able to bring my hunter, and get enough gear that I feel comfortable bringing her to my Saturday normals. I don't bring under geared toons to that because I want that run to go as smoothly as possible, and that is people's change to gear alts. But that means that my alts only get gear if I pug it or through garrison missions.<br />
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And as I was coming to this realization, my guild leader asked me if I wanted to do mythic bosses with them. Er, yeah. That threw me for a bit of a loop. Here I am, sitting at peace with no longer raiding with them, and he asks me to come back. Truthfully, I have a fluctuating schedule now. I've started my clinical (and last) year of vet school. Every two weeks, my rotation changes. This block is a nice, easy schedule. Out of there by 3 every day, done with the paperwork and homework an hour or two later. It's nice. Some are not so nice. One starts as early as 5 in the morning, and can go til 8 at night or later. And joy of joys, I get that of 6 weeks in the middle of winter, whoo!<br />
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But anyways, raiding. I told him honestly: my schedule changes, I can't promise stability in my attendance. If I am available, and they have the room and need, I may go along.<br />
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Either way, I wanted to share that with someone. I feel a bit relieved. I've been watching the raids on the streams one of our officers does. But now that I've participated in one, where things mostly went well, and not really feeling much of anything, well... I realized that I'm ok. I'm not unhappy not participating in the raids anymore.<br />
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I used to get so mad at people messing up, but now I don't care. Now that they're doing mythic, maybe I'll do a heroic run for the guild in my own time. Probably not, it's rather late in the patch to set up a new raid and I have some very specific things I'd like to go over if I were to set up anything more than a casual normal run like my Saturday ones. But perhaps.Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9153619465406393357.post-78082486291634932812015-04-05T11:39:00.001-07:002015-04-05T11:39:28.103-07:00Status UpdateIt's been a while. School has been busy, but fun. Last week I was on ambulatory rotation, where we go out to the local farms and deal with REAL LIVE animals. This week it was goats and sheep. Our group was amazingly efficient. We knocked out quick physicals on 57 goats in a few hours. Goats are fun. Next week is surgery. I'm a tad nervous about that. I need to practice my sutures again, and everyone said anesthesia has been really stressful. Here's hoping things go well.<br />
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On the WoW front, I've stepped back (yet again, but this time for good I think) from my guild's heroic raiding group. I had tried only stepping in as a healer if they were short, but even that was leaving me too frustrated and mad at people. So only heroic pugs for me, and the normal raid where I can tell people to shut up and keep vent clear for calls during boss fights.<br />
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I do feel bad when I think about last night's normal raid. I was incredibly tired, and had spent the day at Sandals, an all inclusive resort. So I may have been a bit tipsy and not as calm as I usually am. I snapped at a few people in vent for talking while we needed to call stuff out. But I swear to god some days I really want to take an air horn to vent to get people to be quiet and listen. You can type in chat about why you died during the boss fight, I don't need to hear it in vent while the rest of us are still fighting.<br />
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Now I know why I've heard some people say raid leading brings out the angry in them. It is so nice to step back and pug with people I don't feel responsible for, I don't need to watch or offer advice. I can sit back and heal. I think I've done a decent job with the casual group. We're not perfect, and I think I need to go over the rules again. I took the gems/enchants required bit out of the calendar comment because I wanted to put some other stuff in but at a quick glance that needs to be gone over again.<br />
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I always feel like good communication of expectations and rules makes things run so much smoother, but for the casual run I don't want to overwhelm people. Somewhere, written when I was incredibly frustrated with the last raid I was a part of before this guild, I have written up my hypothetical raid rules. It takes about ten minutes, if I were to speak it out loud. But it is as comprehensive as I can make it and lays out exactly what I would expect of anyone are I to lead a progression raid.<br />
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I really wish we had a website as well as a Facebook page so I could post a truncated version for rules for the normal raid. Things like vent. Because I had someone who wasn't in vent the last 2 weeks who told me it wasn't in the calendar note. Apparently it wasn't clear the first time they came when I whispered them after the raid apologizing for not making sure they were in vent because I wasn't used to new people not having the vent info, that they needed to be in vent. And spamming the info at the start of the raid wasn't a clear enough sign. Even though I doubt people would read it, I could post rules somewhere and then I wouldn't feel like I have to go check up behind everyone to makes sure they know what I want them to do for preparation. I could just refer them to the post and remove people who don't listen. Oh well, a girl can dream.<br />
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Here's hoping I can get the last Darkmoon Bunny I need for a friend this week. But since I got really super lucky getting the Voidtalon mount, I don't know what I'll camp next. Happy Easter everyone!<br />
<br />Doctor in Progresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01269570170339545209noreply@blogger.com0