I don't even know

Shortly after I started school, my grandfather had a stroke. His health has been steadily declining since. I really hope he can hang in there until December 16th, when I can make it home to see him. But just in case, I have looked up ticket prices back home to make sure I can afford one on short notice. I need to study for my next 2 tests, physio and histo, and then animal nutrition, radiology and clinical orientation, then physic, anatomy, and histo again. I figure if I group them like that, and study for all of them together in advance, instead of my usual one at a time before each test, I should hopefully be prepared a week in advance. My professors are kind enough, I hope, to let me take a test early or late if I need to go home. I am not sure what the university has in place for situations like this, but I figure if I am prepared and talk to my professors if I have to leave they will work with me.
It was tough, seeing him on skype. He wasn't awake, he's in hospice care and pretty much comatose now. Doctor said it's a miracle he's lasted as long as he has.
I don't even know how I feel, and when I think about it too long, I cry.
I will just have to continue as if I were a much better student than I am and be prepared at least a week in advance.