Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Decision is Made

I finally realized that my guild leader was never going to see the issues I was seeing as a problem, so I told her I would stay and help kill Garrosh then I was done with that raid. I am both sad and relieved. I like those people, they are fun. It’s not like I’ll never play with them again- they are guildies. And relieved, because that was stressing me out, trying to figure out what to do, how to help, and then being told there was no issue and I couldn’t do anything. I still need to tell my raid leader that is the official decision, but he know I was contemplating it.

I really want to be stubborn and keep pushing my point, but I know it would be a bad thing to do, and sour my relationship with the guild leader. She’s super sweet, and that’s the problem here: she’s still trying to not say “no” to anyone, or say anything that will make them feel bad. And she thinks talking to that healer about healing would make them feel bad, like we think they can’t play or something. She keeps saying they’ve been playing for years, but you can do something a long time and still miss major things. And I tried to list the issues with missing major raid mechanics for weeks- not minor ones, but things like Malk’s shield. As a healer. For weeks. But she doesn’t see these things as major issues that need to be addressed, like I do, and I don’t feel like intentionally handicapping myself and not being able to work with them for improvement.

I have no problem with people who don’t know what to do, or are undergeared, or inexperienced, and genuinely want to learn and improve. But if you don’t even want to try? The one and only conversation I had with that healer, back when we were 3-healing, he told me he saw me and the other healer going all out so he didn’t. And that thought was unbelievable to me, to not do as well as I can because there are other people doing it. And I’m just ranting because I can’t believe she didn’t see these things as problems to address. And I wasn’t saying “kick him” just let me work with him, and make trying to improve a condition for raiding. And I didn’t want instant perfection, just signs of effort- a better uptime on lifebloom, maybe talking about how the night went, things like that. But I mentioned numbers: I said 50% uptime on lifebloom, and that was no good. Couldn’t track numbers for improvement. The raid leader could say keep it up on the tank all the time, but we couldn’t look at the numbers to see if he was actually trying and improving.

I personally want to know if I am doing something wrong, or not doing something I should be. I want to improve. There are times I am half asleep and lazy and doing a crappy job partially intentionally, but that's LFR or old runs. If I actually need to sit up and heal, I will. I might feel stupid if someone says something like "hey, that uplift spell? Kinda important for a mist weaving monk. Maybe you should cast it more." but I will be happy to improve, and only feel silly for a bit

She wants the raid to be social, low stress, and not requiring performance. The listed requirements for raid are stable internet, good attitude, and competence at your class. But there is no definition for competence, and no contingency for working for improvement. And then there was the debate about what the other officer and I actually did in the raid, since it’s a 10-man, and there’s the raid leader, do we need 2 lieutenants? was the question posed. But that won’t be an issue anymore, since I won’t be there.

And I feel bad, because I know if I leave there is a strong chance a few others will as well. Well, they kinda told me they wouldn’t stick around if I left. Which was part of the reason I wanted to make it work, I feel bad for the rest of the people who won’t be able to raid now. But if we can kill Garrosh next week (and we easliy have the DPS, people just need to interrupt MCs) I’ll feel a bit better about it. Since my other raid group has put together some weekend Garrosh kills, about half my guild raid has gotten the achievement from filling in for that group. So even if we don’t kill it this week, and the raid gets too frustrating for me to continue, most of them have it now.

Ok, that was a huge rant. On to more fun things: I am 100 conquest away from full prideful gear, yay! We’re going to start challenge modes horde-side, so hopefully soon my druid will have a decent transmog. Good thing about being a druid, if you don’t want to put together a transmog, you can just pop into whatever shapeshift form is appropriate and never see it. 

I found someone who was doing a MSV achievement run, including show me your moves which is a royal pain.  About an hour after we finished, he did a heroic ToT. We didn’t finish, but it was fun. And I’ve been motivated to finish my achievements this summer. 

I’ve moved all my stuff to the new house except the big furniture, which the movers will take on the first. I’m working on unpacking all my books now. I needed to swap the small  bookcase for a bigger one, because I don’t want to double stack my books like I have in the past. I suppose I could put all the old horse books from when I was 10 away, but I have a desire to read them all again. I doubt I will get to all of them, but some of the good ones I plan to make time to get to.

Anyway, time to get ready for the day. Guild raid tonight, so I can tell the people who need to know my official decision. And then to figure out what to do on my newly to be free Wednesday and Friday nights.

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