It's been a long time since I've posted here, much less posted regularly. But I felt the urge to write a bit tonight. I wanted to share something with someone but didn't know who to talk to, so the general internet audience it is.
I raided with my guild in a heroic raid today for the first time in weeks. And I didn't have fun.
Not to say I hated it, or that I was angry or frustrated. I got loot, I was happy about that. But I felt a little out of place. I felt uncomfortable speaking in vent, like I would be judged or commented on. And I felt sad that I had lost what had been my place in that raid. I have had more fun with pugs. This just felt like something to do to pass the time.
I really appreciated being able to come along. I was able to bring my hunter, and get enough gear that I feel comfortable bringing her to my Saturday normals. I don't bring under geared toons to that because I want that run to go as smoothly as possible, and that is people's change to gear alts. But that means that my alts only get gear if I pug it or through garrison missions.
And as I was coming to this realization, my guild leader asked me if I wanted to do mythic bosses with them. Er, yeah. That threw me for a bit of a loop. Here I am, sitting at peace with no longer raiding with them, and he asks me to come back. Truthfully, I have a fluctuating schedule now. I've started my clinical (and last) year of vet school. Every two weeks, my rotation changes. This block is a nice, easy schedule. Out of there by 3 every day, done with the paperwork and homework an hour or two later. It's nice. Some are not so nice. One starts as early as 5 in the morning, and can go til 8 at night or later. And joy of joys, I get that of 6 weeks in the middle of winter, whoo!
But anyways, raiding. I told him honestly: my schedule changes, I can't promise stability in my attendance. If I am available, and they have the room and need, I may go along.
Either way, I wanted to share that with someone. I feel a bit relieved. I've been watching the raids on the streams one of our officers does. But now that I've participated in one, where things mostly went well, and not really feeling much of anything, well... I realized that I'm ok. I'm not unhappy not participating in the raids anymore.
I used to get so mad at people messing up, but now I don't care. Now that they're doing mythic, maybe I'll do a heroic run for the guild in my own time. Probably not, it's rather late in the patch to set up a new raid and I have some very specific things I'd like to go over if I were to set up anything more than a casual normal run like my Saturday ones. But perhaps.